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40 Effed Up Things About Being 40...

  In yesterday's post I wrote about an article I've recently read titled, '40 Effed Up Things About Being 40'  That article has inspired me to compile my own list...

1.  There are a few kids in my son's class that have moms that I'm pretty sure are young enough to be my child.  In theory, this means I am old enough to have a 5-year-old grandchild!
2.  Store clerks have started calling me 'Ma'am'.
3.  I have been known to look up young, good-looking actors on the internet to see if they are old enough for me to find attractive or if I should be ashamed of myself (I have a comfort zone of about 25).
4.  Sometimes when I get dressed I worry I'm too old to wear what I've put on and that people might think to themselves, 'Does she really think she can pull that off?'
5.  I sometimes pass up sex because I'm just too tired.
6.  I recently saw Union J (a boy band for all you oldies) on a morning cooking show and thought they were One Direction (another more famous boy band).  I was so sure they were One Direction, that I told my husband that who ever wrote the TV listing was going to be in a lot of trouble!
7.  I watch morning cooking shows.
8.  If I get pulled over by a police officer, I'm pretty sure I'm going to get a ticket instead of just a smile and a warning like I used to.
9.  More times than not, I don't recognize the celebrities in entertainment magazines or top 40 music videos.
10.  When shopping in trendy stores, I find it very difficult to find something to buy because most of the cloths on display were in style when I was in high school.
11.  I'm pretty certain I'm never going to have a completely flat stomach ever again (without coming down with some very serious illness I'd rather not have).
12.  Flirting would probably no longer get me discounts or freebies.
13.  I think I may be middle aged, but my mind won't let me think about it long enough to know for sure.
14.  I sometimes pass up sex because I'm just too tired.
15.  I have to wear my glasses to read and sometimes to even watch TV.  Today, I had to put them on to pull out a gray hair!
16.  I think I'm old enough to be a cougar.
17.  I hardly recognize any boy from school I'm Facebook friends with (probably because they are no longer boys - they are middle aged men).
18.  Teenagers annoy me.
19.  I no longer feel comfortable wearing a bikini in public.
20.  I'm starting to wax more and more facial hair than ever before and starting to worry I'll be one of those olive skinned old ladies that have beards.
21.  I'd like to have another baby, but I'm just too old, too fat and too tired to get pregnant again.
22.  I sometimes pass up sex because I'm just too tired.
23. I actually own more than one 'Spanx' type item.
24.  I've started buying shoes for comfort rather than sex appeal (much to the dismay of both my stilettos and my husband).
25.  I secretly do a little happy dance in my head when a young guy checks me out (which is not very often).
26.  Going out without makeup is no longer an option (not that I ever did).
27.  I'm pretty sure my days of mini skirts and low rise jeans are over (as I haven't worn either in years).
28.  If I go a couple of weeks without working out, I gain 20 lbs (What the F is that all about?) and in the last few years I've lost and gained the same 20 lbs about a million times! When I was young, I ate massive amounts of food, had an office job, didn't workout a day in my life and never went over a size six!
29.  I miss my 20 year old ass.
30.  I miss my 30 year old ass.
31.  I find it very depressing that one day, I will miss my 40 year old ass.
32.  I sometimes pass up sex because I'm just too tired.
33.   I buy makeup that is designed to give you a youthful appearance and yet all the makeup in the world will not cover the dark circles under my eyes or make me look less tired.
34.  Doctors have started telling me 'It comes with age.'
35.  The me in my head is always a little bit surprised by the me in the mirror (oh and I think I may be morphing into my mother).
36.  I no longer find the term 'MILF' offensive.  If I'm honest, I'd probably find it flattering.
37.  I wish I had known when I was young that I was beautiful.
38.  I fall asleep on the couch before 11PM a lot.
39.  I have serious memory issues.   I actually have one of those pill boxes with the days of the week on it because I often forget if I took my meds or not. I forget where I put things, I forget if I did things I was meaning to do, hell, I forget most of my first marriage!  People joke that I've blocked it out which is ridiculous.  It wasn't that bad.  If I was going to choose to block out a relationship, it wouldn't be that one! 
40.  The most effed up thing about writing a list of effed up things about being forty is that I'm actually 41 and considered OVER 40!


Chris said…
Love this! Made me laugh! But don't be silly, you're still beautiful!
Christina Guzzo said…
Funny E. I don't make it to 11:00 pm
Erren said…
Chris and Chris, thanks guys! I'm so glad you liked it! :-) and Thank you Chris about the beautiful comment, it's very sweet but I wasn't fishing for compliments.
Christina Chris, I fell asleep the other night watching the tv show Hannibal at 9:30. Who falls asleep watching Hannibal? I woke up just as it was ending and tried to pretend I watched the whole thing. I'm not sure I fooled anyone!

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