The unexpected details...

Thursday, January 31, 2013
We our first appointment with a social worker for adoption was on Tuesday.  It definitely gave us a lot to think about.  I don't know what I was expecting to find out, but I was not prepared for what we learned about the children that are adopted out of child services.  I expected to hear of trauma.  I expected to hear it would be a lot of work and they would need great deal of care and love.  I expected they might have a delay in development and their ability to learn.  What I didn't expect to hear was that 90% of the children that are up for adoption, have some sort of brain damage due to being exposed to drugs and alcohol in the womb.  The extent of the damage varies, but almost all of them have special needs in some form.
I don't know why I found this to be surprising. I don't know why it never crossed my mind.  Thinking about it now, it makes perfect sense, but It came as quite a shock to both me and my husband when we were told.  Our concern is that we might not know the extent of the damage from the beginning and could end up with a child that can end up with severe problems that we never expected to take on.
Don't get me wrong, we want to be able to give a child a loving home and stability that they've never had, but we have to think long and hard about bringing a special needs child into our family and what impact that would have on our young son.  Even if we decided that we (as parents) could be up for the challenge, we don't know if putting the burden on our son would be the best thing.  One day, we might not be around and we can end up leaving our son with the burden of taking care of that child for the rest of his life.  I'm not sure if that's something that would be fair to him.
It's a difficult choice.  We don't know what we're going to do.  We've decided to move on with applying, but we are proceeding with caution.  I called my doctor to schedule an appointment to discuss what it is we would be looking at.  We have no idea.  We want to ask at what age severe brain damage would be detected.  We want more information on what we could be faced with.  Once we have answers, we'll be able to make an informed decision on what to do.
I feel awful that I'm having second thoughts from the word go.  I went into this wanting to do an amazing thing for a child in need and now that I've been given the gory details, I'm getting cold feet!  I feel guilty.  Like I said, I don't know what I expected to hear, but I didn't expect to hear that 90% of the children in the system that are up for adoption, are children with special needs.
I will add that there were several times during the meeting, I nearly burst out in tears.  It was a difficult thing to find out the circumstances and details of these cases.  I knew it would be hard.  I thought I was ready, but you can't prepare yourself for such things.  It was awful.
I'm waiting for the call from my doctor and once, we've had a chance to sit down with him, my husband and I will have to take some time to figure out what we want to do.

Pin It

Step One

Monday, January 28, 2013
Some years back, I blogged about my husband and I considering adopting a child. Our son was still quite young back then and we didn't think it was the right time.  Now that he's a bit older (he turns 5 in May), we started discussing it again.  The outcome was that we are going to apply.  We have always wanted to take a child out of the child services system.  We want to offer a child a second chance at a loving stable home.
Being the class mom for my son's kindergarten class has been a big part of why it's come up again.  There are thirty children in his class and there isn't one kid, I don't like.  I love them all.  Even the ones that aren't well behaved - I can't help but love them because I've gotten a chance to get to know them and they are all so lovely in their own way.  I look at them and think it would break my heart if I found out that any of them were in a position that they weren't loved and taken care of at home.
I'm also really very sorry I didn't have a second child.  It's not that I can't have one.  I probably could, but we left it too long.  I'm not young anymore and there are so many things that can go wrong in a pregnancy for an older woman.  So, we're going to try to adopt and take a child out of the system instead.
If you have experience in this sort of thing and want to share a horror story or give me a word of warning, there is no need.  We've done our research.  We know it's not for the fainthearted.  We also know there is a chance we can be turned down.  It's far from a simple process, but the process starts tomorrow because we have our first appointment with a social worker to apply.
The process is a lengthy difficult one.  We know that, but we also just found out that our county is one of the first in the country that is trying out a new system that is supposed to be a lot faster.  What used to take a year or two is supposed to take about six months.  I'm not holding my breath on that.  I'll set my hopes on a year and go from there.
Tomorrow is step one.  I'll keep you posted on our progress.

Pin It

Mean Girls!

Friday, January 25, 2013
I've had a few emails asking where I've been.  As a rule, I don't blog when I'm miserable.  I don't like to write a bunch of woe is me posts that air my dirty laundry.
I'll summarize - my Christmas party was a disaster.  One of the party guests decided she didn't like me very much.  At the party, she said something (that wasn't true) that was apparently meant to make me look bad in front of my husband and other guests.  I decided there and then, I was done with her.  I didn't feel the need to say anything or cause a scene, but I knew I was done. She on the other hand, was not done and the following day, she caused a bit of a drama.  The end result is that there are very, very few people from my long awaited social circle who still want anything to do with me.  I won't give details or try to villainize anyone. It's just not my style.  There has apparently been enough of that already to cause so many people to turn against me without a word or even an ounce of consideration for my side of the story.
In all of my life when there has been a group of people where one of them turns on me, I've never been the one to come out on top.  It's just the way it's always gone for me.  Considering the struggle I've had to find a social circle in this country, I have taken this situation very much to heart and I have been really heart broken.
I keep hearing, 'If that's how they're treating you, they were never your friends in the first place .' I know that.  It's nothing I didn't already know deep down.  It's just that it's still no fun to go through.
The stress of the last month has caused a major flare up of my condition and I've finally come to realize I need to put it behind me before I end up really unwell.  I've looked for books on becoming less emotional or sensitive,  but sadly no-one has written one.  I guess I'll have to try figure it out on my own.
I can't believe I've gotten to this age and girls are still so mean!

Pin It