Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from October, 2005

My feet are freezing...

It's cold this morning, that damp early Autumn cold that chills you to the bone.  As I type, I'm thinking I need to get some socks because my feet are freezing.  My joints hurt and my body feels broken down.  I wonder if a day will ever come that I don't wake up intensely aware of my body because of the pain.  I have been living with arthritis and symptoms that come with it for a all of my adult life and sometimes, it gets tiresome and I wish I could leave it for a while. 
Most people think it's a disease that just effects your joints, but it's so much more than that because when your joints are inflamed, so are the muscles.  The muscles effect the nerves... blah blah blah... Boring isn't it?  I hate to talk about it, but today the fatigue mixed with the pain is frustrating me.  It's hard to concentrate, so my courses are wasted on my brain that just isn't absorbing any new information.
I hate the change of season when it's from warm to cold.  It hur…

the pain is worth the reward

My favorite quote is: "I do not regret the things I've done, but those I did not do".  It's by favorite quote because it's how I feel life should be and how I wish I could feel about all of my regrets. 
Mistakes are made - that's the hard truth of life.  Wayne has always told me that if he could go back in time and change just one thing - he wouldn't because maybe, that change would lead him to somewhere other than to me.
I have made a lot of mistakes.  I try to learn from them.  Some lessons are more consequential than others and some, are just never learned.  Some, we try to forget and others should never be forgotten. Yesterday's blog was hard to write and even harder to read today, but I need to say this - although I wish it never happened, it's now a part of who I am.  Our experiences are what makes us who we are.  Maybe the pain is worth the reward because if it was Roger (the bad ex) that led me to Wayne, then if you asked me if I'd do i…

Alfie, Luka and my sanity...

I just cleaned out the cat pan for the 3rd time this week.  As a cat owner, this is my all time least favorite task.  I sometimes wish that I wasn't so fucken neurotic and I could let the cats outside without the fear that they will be killed or hurt in some way. But that's not who I am and I doubt I will ever be because as I sit here typing, I have the window open and I just had to call the cats into the room (once again) to make sure, they did not somehow sneak passed me and escape out the window to meet some horrible fate. Just as I finished typing the last sentence, I had to get up and close the windows because Alfie jumped up on the windowsill for the 10th time in the last half hour (and since this damned country doesnt believe in screens, I can't open a window to get some fresh air).
Right now, he is tearing up the TV guide I so carelessly left on the floor and without doubt his brother, Luka will join him within seconds because he copies everything Alfie does.
Since …

Perfect Moments part 3

Having learned through the years, and being as in love with my husband Wayne as I am, I have managed to realize and capture many perfect moments as they arise. Like the first time he told me he loved me or when I was falling asleep on one of our first nights together and he whispered to me 'I'll always look after you.'
During my first trip to London, we took an evening walk over tower bridge. We noticed there was something going on in the park below and stopped to look. It was Alicia Keys holding a concert celebrating Wimbledon. She was right below us and she began singing 'I keep on falling'. It felt surreal. I was standing in his arms on tower bridge overlooking the Thames and listening to Alicia Keys sing live. I thought to myself, it doesn't get much more perfect than this.
The last perfect moment I will share was on our wedding day. The ceremony was held on the beach in Jamaica, overlooking the water. Afterwards, we were walking to take some photos …

Perfect Moments...

Have you ever had a perfect moment? One of those moments that makes you feel like for just that moment, the rest of the world stands still? Have you ever had a moment that is so perfect, you close your eyes and take it in so that you will always remember the details?
I don't know if people pay enough attention in life. These moments are so few, so fleeting and so far between that if you're not careful, you might just miss them.
I have had a some that I managed to realize and captured in my mind like snapshots that I can look back on from time to time and remember what they felt like.
The first one I can remember, was my seeing my very first sunset. I was around the age of 19 and in California visiting my father who lived there at the time. My boyfriend, who was in the Army & stationed in California, came to spend a weekend with me during my visit. My father's house was on a mountainside that overlooked the ocean and Catalina Island. I don't know what I …