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Showing posts from August, 2012

All the things we should have said but we didn't

I'm writing a book.  A book based on my experiences.  Writing it takes me back to days gone by so this morning, I wrote another letter to someone I used to know.  I almost sent this one and then I thought better of it.  Maybe it's not fair to send it.  Maybe that time has come and gone.  Maybe if he wanted me to say such things, he'd have something to say to me, but those days are gone.  He can't or won't or just doesn’t have anything left to say.  Now there's nothing left between us except all the things we should have said but we didn't. I know we've both moved on and he knows I am in good hands now, but I so want to tell him that before I had my husband to take care of me, it was him who helped me get through the rough spots.  So, I wrote the following letter and like so many before this one - I didn't send it... I just wrote a chapter on the day my grandmother died.  Writing it was rough.  I know you might be thinking, 'What does it have

Baby Clothes

I've been cleaning a load of things out of storage and listing it on eBay.  It's become my job now that I don't have my business anymore.  We have so much stuff, I could do listings every day for a year and never run out of things to sell. Today, I took a box of baby clothes down to sell.  Ethan is four now and it's not looking likely there will be any more babies in our future.  I thought I was OK with that.  I thought I was ready to sell it, but I couldn't do it.  I just sat there picking up each item and crying.  I guess I'm not so ready after all. The thing is that I'm no spring chicken.  Child bearing years my not be over just yet, but they sure are closer to being over than not.  I miscarried in January.  It was unplanned and very early on, but it felt like my last chance.  I know my husband doesn't really want another baby and I think when it comes to that sort of thing, a couple should be on the same page or it's not worth doing.  I didn&

Love is A Mix Tape

I just read a review for a book called 'Love is A Mix Tape' I may be showing my age here, but what a great title for book!  Ahh, the mix tape.  What do kids these days do to show their love for each other?? Do they make mix SD cards, memory sticks or playlists?  I wonder if CDs are a thing of the past when it comes to 'Mix Tapes'.  God, I feel old. I wish that when I was young, I had the foresight to save my mix tapes that were given to me in my life time or better yet, saved a copy of the ones I made for others.  I wish I had a time capsule of music - A soundtrack of my life.  I'd love to see what songs would be featured.  To name a few, I know there would be songs by Billy Joel, Bruce Springsteen, REO Speedwagon, Richard Marx, Skid Row and Chicago.  Later volumes would include The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Led Zeppelin (the Thank You Song), Whitney Houston, Queen and Celine Dion (what an odd mix right?).  With the last 10 years featuring Cold Play, Snow Patrol, Ke

Tarka Dal

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Something about me - Creative Writing - Exercise 1.2

Today I'm supposed to write something about myself that most people don't know. I'm supposed to be open and honest... I've been hearing sirens all morning - ambulances, fire engines and police.  Something big happened close by and it's been going on for hours.  Here's the thing about me most people don't know - I HAD TO call my husband to make sure he was OK.  It was a compulsion.  I had to call just to hear his voice and know he isn't caught up in what ever awful thing happened so close to my home, that I can't stop hearing the after effects.  He's fine, but ever since we hung up, I have been trying to keep myself from calling my son's nursery school just to make sure nothing happened there.  The thing is, other then my neurotic fears, I have no reason to call there.  So I have to just wait for it to be time to pick him up to make sure he is ok and the school hasn't blown up. These are real thoughts that go through my mind.  I rea

The Crying Tree by Naseem Rakha

Synopsis:   Irene Stanley thought her world had come to an end when her teenage son, Shep, is murdered. Daniel Robbin, who had spent his teenage years in and out of trouble, gave himself up to the police and was given the state's harshest sentence: death by lethal injection. Now, nineteen years later, as the state penitentiary prepares to execute Robbin, Irene Stanley must reveal what she has been hiding from her family. That in order to survive the anger and grief she had at loosing her so, she not only had forgiven the man who killed him, but had come to be his friend. Her revelation stuns her family and cracks open the secrets that had been surrounding her son's death. Secrets that reveal how little she understood Shep, her husband, or herself. Dramatic, emotional, and ultimately uplifting, The Crying Tree is an unforgettable story of love and redemption, the unbreakable bonds of family, and the transformative power of forgiveness. My Thoughts: I read this

Pasta e Fagioli

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Creative Writing - Exercise 1.1

I bought a creative writing course book month ago thinking it would help me with my blog when I felt less than inspired on writing topics.  I just got around to starting it.  The first exercise was to write about one of the sounds you hear around you and what that sound means to you.  This is what I came up with... My cat purring – When I try to think about what this sound means to me I think of the first time I really heard a cat purr...    I was about 9 or 10 when I got my first kitten.   We were on a family vacation with my father and his family  (my step mother & step brother & sister) somewhere on the jersey shore.   At what I think was our bed & breakfast, we found a litter of kittens in the shrubs.   They were old enough to be fed food from a can, but still so small in size.   The owner of the business was giving the kittens up for adoption. After some begging, my father let me choose one.   My choice was an orange and white long haired one (white with big patc

Memoirs of an Imaginary Friend by Matthew Green

Synopsis:   Budo is Max's imaginary friend. But though only Max can see him, he is real. He and the other imaginary friends watch over their children until the day comes that the child stops imagining them. And then they're gone. Budo has lasted a lot longer than most imaginary friends - four years - because Max needs him more. His parents argue about sending him to a special school. But Max is perfectly happy if everything is just kept the way it is, and nothing out of the ordinary happens. Unfortunately, something out of the ordinary is going to happen - and then he'll need Budo more than ever... My Thoughts: I bought this book based on both the unique story line and reviews I read and I can't say I am sorry that I did, but I also can't I say it completely gripped me. For me it was one of those reads that you enjoy on some level but it doesn't make you want to add the author to your list of must buys. I just think as much as I wanted to, I di

Grandma's Cauliflower Pasta (So good - even if you don't like Cauliflower)

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Garlic Crusted Shrimp

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A take back...

I don't usually do such things, but I deleted yesterday's post.  It was way too 'woe is me' and I can't stand such raw emotions being aired for public view.  So, I did a take back. In case your wondering what it said, it said something like 'Nobody likes me, everybody hates me - I think I'll go eat worms (if you don't recognise that quote - it's an American children's song).  The long and short of it is that my social life here in the UK has taken a hit as of late and I've been lonely and feeling terribly sorry for myself. The other thing is that yesterday was a tough day for me.  It was the anniversary of the death of a friend.  It happened a lifetime ago and I always think I'm fine, but grief has a way of creeping up over and over again - no matter how long it's been.  That being said, it might be part of the reason I've been feeling so absolutely miserable. It may be because I am home with my family today, but things feel br

Just this one time...

To the love of my life, I know I'm not supposed to write about you.  You have always supported this blog, but have always asked for me to keep our life separate.  Just so you know, sometimes that makes it difficult to find blogging topics, but I respect your desire for privacy. I hope you don't mind me wrting about you and our life just this one time. The thing is that I have all these beautiful posts on here about people from my past and what they mean to me, but I never get to write about you and what you mean to me.  I know they are what led me to you, but it doesn’t seem right when you are the one who has given me so much worth writing about.  You have given me my happy ending. I don't know why books always end at the beginning of a relationship.  Girl meets boy - they fall in love - overcome conflict - and live happily ever after.  You never get to see what happily ever after really is though.  Probably because people think it's boring - the every day stuff an

Pictures from my trip home last month

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Tommy, If you're reading this - it would be nice if you'd get in touch.  It's been long enough.  I miss you - Ya big Jerk! You better be careful - sooner or later enough time will pass that I'll stop forgiving you for disappearing on me (doubtful, but you never know). Love, Er

My mixed emotions on Fifty Shades of Grey

Let me start by saying I started the book months ago and never finished it so I can't provide an accurate review.  When I bought the book.  I didn't know it was erotic fiction.  It was recommended by a friend (the hype didn't make it to the UK yet) and the synopsis I read, made it look like love story.  It had 5 star ratings and was on the NY Times best seller list.  I pre-ordered it and when it came I looked more closely at the reviews and was surprised to say the least.  As a rule, I don't read such books. To me it's kind of like soft porn -what's the point?? It's usually quite cheesy and the good stuff is cut out! That being said, I have to admit that at first I was engrossed in the book.  I myself was even a little bit in love with Mr. Grey and would be lying if I said I wasn't 'effected' by the erotic nature of the book. Like a lot of husbands, my husband was taken upstairs every night I picked it up (Not that he isn't often taken upsta

How To Talk To a Widower By Jonathan Tropper

Synopsis:   When Doug Parker married Hailey - beautiful, smart and ten years older - he left his carefree Manhattan life behind to live with her and her teenage son, Russ, in the suburbs. Three years later, Hailey has been dead for a year, and Doug, a widower at 29, just wants to drown himself in self-pity and Jack Daniels. But his family has other ideas... Russ is furious with Doug for not adopting him after Hailey died, and has fallen in with a bad crowd. Claire, Doug's irrepressible and pregnant twin sister, has just left her husband and moved in, uninvited, determined to turn his life around. Then there's Debbie, their younger sister, engaged to Doug's ex-best friend and maniacally determined to pull of the perfect wedding at any cost. Soon, Doug finds himself trying to forge a relationship with Russ, reconnecting with his own eccentric nuclear family, and reluctantly dipping his toes into the shark-infested waters of the second-time-around dating scene.

Thank you for the get well wishes

I just want to thank everyone who sent me get well wishes.  It was lovely and really helped to lift my spirits. I'm feeling alot better.  The pain is gone now, but I picked up a nasty cold/cough in the hospital that is kicking my ass at the moment.  I feel really run down, but would rather this cold than the pain I had last week. I have an Endoscopy scheduled in about 4 weeks (a procedure that allows doctors to examine the stomach by putting a scope down the throat and into the stomach).  I'm not at all looking forward to it, but hope it provides some answers on what's happening.

Quick & Easy Spinach, White Bean & Pasta Soup

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My stay in the hospital

One thing you should never have to do is take yourself to the Emergency Room.  I had to do that the other night.  I've been having abdominal pain for 3 days right under my chest.  Every time I moved it felt like someone punched me in the stomach.  It would take my breath away and make me cough.  It got bad enough for me to decide I need to go to the ER.  The thing is that we don't have any family here to babysit when things like this happen and there are very few people I'm close enough to even consider asking to help out.  I txts two people, but both are moms and couldn't get away to come over.  I didn't want to disrupt my son's routine so I waited until I put him to bed and called a taxi to take me so my husband could stay home with our son. Like I said, you shouldn't have to take yourself to the ER.  You should have someone there to hold your hand.  I spent the ride to the hospital trying to hold back the tears because I was feeling so very sorry for mys

A wing and a prayer

I've been back from NJ for a few weeks now.  I always get quiet when I get back because it's hard for me to come back and I just need to keep to myself until I adjust back into such a change in lifestyle.  It gets lonely for me here.  I don't have a big social life and at times can go weeks without seeing anyone other than the people who live in this house.  Granted, it's better than it was since book club, but it's still quite lonely and coming back always gets me down. My husband and I have been talking about trying again to make the move back to the US, but it's on a wing and a prayer.  An international move costs such an exorbitant amount of money and I just don't see how it can ever happen.  Our plan is to save as much as we possibly can until the spring and see where we are then.  We're hoping we'll have enough to make the move, but I'm not holding my breath - just hoping for the best. Ethan starts school in Sept.  Since we plan to move,