Scary stuff

Wednesday, November 27, 2013
A few weeks ago, I found a lump in my breast.  I was in the shower.  I thought I felt something, but my first reaction was to not let my mind go there so I quickly moved on.  A few minutes later, I checked again and confirmed it was indeed a lump.  I finished my shower (and my day) trying not to think too much about it.  That night I asked my husband to see what he thought.  We went to the doctor the very next morning.
In short, the doctor referred me to a specialist and told me I'd get an appointment in the mail.  About a week later, I saw the specialist who referred me for more tests.  I had a mammogram on Monday and today I have an ultrasound.  Scary stuff right?
Because we never know when the appointments are going to be, my husband can't plan for it and arrange to be with me.  I've had to see the specialist and have the tests on my own.  This is one of the worst things about living in a foreign country - when my husband can't be there, I am left with no-one else to step up and hold my hand through the scary stuff.  I've been on my own for a lot in the last ten years and although I have my husband at the end of the day, it sure would be nice to have a loved one to go with me and sit in the waiting room and give support.  Instead, I have to take a taxi and go it alone (pretending not to be scared out of my mind).
My grandmother had breast cancer when she wasn't much older than I am now.  All those years ago, she survived with a partial mastectomy which is a comfort, but terrifying all at the same time.  I know it could be nothing. I know it could be just a scare, but I've still had to go through the motions for weeks at a time wondering if it's nothing or if my life is about to be turned upside-down.  After my appointment today, I'll have to wait for the results.  Will they call me back in for even more tests or will I get the all clear?  Will it be days - a week?  I just don't know.  In the meantime, I will plan my American Thanksgiving here in England with my in-laws and try not to worry too much as I secretly wish I could be at home celebrating with my family...

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