Drama Queen

Friday, October 20, 2006

There's a segment on the radio station I listen to (BBC Radio One) that's called Laura's diary, where the sister of one of the girls on the show calls in and reads her diary from when she was a young girl (high school/university age). This morning's entry was really funny. It was as if someone was reading out of my diary from that time in my life - it was ever so dramatic (but at that age isn't everything?) - Ben (her first boyfriend/serious relationship) decided he wanted to go back to school as a single guy when he went off to university and she stayed with him the rest of the summer (the stupid, stupid girl)...
When I was around that age, my childhood sweetheart (we'll call him Jonny

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Blogger's Block

Thursday, October 19, 2006

I haven

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In a funk

Monday, October 9, 2006

I've been in such a funk for the last few weeks and I just can't seem to pull myself out of it. I don

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In a funk

I've been in such a funk for the last few weeks and I just can't seem to pull myself out of it. I don

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The Star Spangled Banner

Friday, October 6, 2006
The following is an excerpt from the book I'm writing.  It's the first genuinely fictional part that I've written.  I need feedback so please feel free to comment.  Is the writing clear?  Is the scene set well, does the dialogue work? 
The only background I'll give is that the characters are teenagers.  I should also say that it contains adult themes so if you are under age or offended by such things, you should stop here...
After it got dark, the boys lit a fire on the beach and we sat around it.  Noelle and Scott sat close on a piece of driftwood, Tyler sat in the sand looking bored and started digging with a plastic cup. I sat on a blanket between Ashley’s legs, laying my back against his chest and my head on his shoulder.  He wrapped his arms around me and put his face close to mine.  With the fire burning and not a care in the world, I couldn’t remember feeling more at ease.
Sloan walked up and the atmosphere changed.  Tyler tensed.  He stood up, announced he was going to the 7-Eleven to buy a pack of smokes and walked off in a huff.  Sloan sat with Scott and Noelle.
 I asked her, ‘What happened with you guys? You used to be all about the sexual tension and now, you’re just about the tension.’
‘You don’t want to know’ Sloan replied in an exasperated way.
Scott chimed in, ‘Yes, we do! Tell us before he gets back’
‘We fucked.’
Sloan was one of those girls who had no qualms with liking sex and never hid the fact that she was happily active.
Ashley protested saying, ‘No you didn’t! He’s wanted you forever! He would have told me!’
I shot him a look letting him know we’ll be talking later.
‘I’m sure he didn’t tell you.  He probably wants to forget it ever happened.’
‘Why?? What happened?’ I asked with my interest piqued.
‘Tell us!’ We all said in unison. 
‘Fine!’ she said and began her story.
‘Tyler is hot, I mean you’ve seen that body! He’s super hot.  I wanted him for so long. So one night after a party, we were alone in my room and I made my move.  I just straddled him on the bed and kissed him.  He kissed me back with such intensity, we couldn’t get our clothes off fast enough!  We just went at it and it was hot.  There were hands and mouths everywhere!’
Ashley started lightly stroking my arm and I suddenly became aware that I was doing the same to his hand. 
Sloan continued, ‘I’m telling you when we finally started to fuck, it was the best sex I ever had!’
Scott chimed in with a smile, ‘And that’s saying a lot!’ 
‘Fuck you, Scott’ she laughed and gave him a smack on the arm. ‘Really though, it was great sex.  I was really into it and started calling out, “Yes! Yes!” as we went at it hard and fast’
I swallowed hard and felt Ashley’s arms around me tighten and I clutched his hand. 
‘I was so close! And that’s when it happened’ she began to sing at the top of her lungs (shocking us out of the sexual tension), ‘Oh say does that star-spangled banner yet wave - the land of the free and the home of the brave!’
We all  looked at her confused and shocked.
Sloan explained, ‘You know how some guys need to think about something other than what their doing to keep from getting off?’
‘Like baseball’ I said as Ashley shot me a look.
‘Yes, like baseball’ Sloan said.  ‘Well Tyler apparently thinks about the fucking star spangled banner! I don’t think he meant to sing it out loud! I think it just happened!  Hell, I’m just as patriotic as the next girl, but let’s just say it was a mood killer!  He hasn’t been able to look at me since!’
Ashley fell back in the sand laughing hysterically and the rest of us joined in laughing until we had tears streaming down our faces. 
A few minutes later, Tyler walked up and asked what was so funny and we all just laughed harder. 
 



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The Party

Thursday, October 5, 2006
The following short story is fiction, but based on actual events.  The names have been changed or omitted to protect the guilty...
The air was thick with smoke. The place smelled of cigarettes, stale beer, and a hint of pot.  I wondered to myself if this was what all parties were like after high school.  The apartment was tiny and it seemed impossible to have so many people in it.  I worked my way through the crowd and started to wonder how Tyler talked me into this. What if he’s not happy to see me?  What if he’s not here?  How will I get home?  I don’t even know where I am!
And then I saw him.  He was standing tucked in the corner with a pretty blond girl.  The sight of their close proximity made my heart drop.  Is this what Tyler had in mind when he dropped me off?  I wanted to step between them and state my claim, but I couldn’t move.  My feet stayed rooted to the spot and all I could do was stand there and watch.  He put his face close to hers and for an instant, I thought he’d kiss her, but instead he leaned in to say something over the music.  She laughed and I could see he was pleased with himself.  She flicked her hair and I couldn’t help rolling my eyes.  She leaned into him and responded.  He smiled that familiar smile and I could feel the tears start to sting my eyes.  I did my best to blink them away.  I told myself not to cry.  He was looking at her in a way I’d never seen.  I wondered for a second who he was.  I thought, ‘Do I even know you?  Please look this way.  See me and end this moment.  Please, look this way.’
She leaned in to say something else and touched the hair on the back of his neck as she did.  He looked at her, smiled, and slightly licked his lips.  It was an unconscious kind of action and it made me feel a bit sick because he’d done that with me.  He leaned in and responded and all I could think was, ‘Please don’t kiss her; please look this way.  See me and end this moment.’  She laughed again. He kept his face close to her’s as they spoke. She smiled and laughed and flicked her hair again. She touched his hand as she spoke to him and then he brushed her hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear.  He was gentle when he did it.  They were eye to eye he kept his hand to her face.  ‘Please don’t kiss her.  Look this way.’  He bit his lip – another action I’d seen before.  I tried searching his face for something that told me it wasn’t as it seemed.  Is this always the way it was when he was away?  Has he never been mine?  
And that’s when I realized there was something missing in this whole exchange.  When he was with me he was different.  There was a look in his eyes when he was with me that wasn’t there as he spoke to her.  What’s missing?  Is it tenderness?  Maybe.  Is it love?  Yes, but there was something else. I watched him with her and tried find what was different.  He was so confident so… smooth.  And that’s when it hit me.  It was fear that was missing.  When he looked at me I saw love, I saw tenderness and I saw a little bit of fear that was just beneath the surface.  He always looked slightly scared of me or us or what we had.  When I watched him with her there was no love or tenderness and absolutely no fear.  I wanted to scream for him to see me.  Don’t do this to me.  Don’t do this to us.  I know you love me.  You may be there with her, but it’s me you love!  My feet became free and when I started to move, I found myself walking toward the door.  Away from him and away from that party.  No-one would have to know.  I’ll tell Tyler he wasn’t there.  I’ll find a way home.



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