Feeling better today

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Today is the first day in a while that I feel better. I guess it was silly of me to think I can start a new fitness programme without having some sort of flare-up. I've still been going to the gym, but have done little more.
Over the weekend I was in fairly good condition and got to do a few things with Wayne. We've been busy every weekend for about a month now and I've missed our alone time.
Saturday, we spent the day just the two of us. We took the the bus into town so that I can learn to use it to get around more on my own. I still don't drive here and it's annoying to have to depend on Wayne to get around every time I want to do something. Although, the bus isn't much better because it takes twice as long to get to and from town center. Saturday night, we went to dinner just the two of us which was really nice. We haven't had a night out alone in ages and we really enjoyed ourselves.
Sunday, we had a pub lunch with Doug. The food was excellent and afterwords we sat at the table and played a really good game of Jenga. I forgot how much fun that game is! It was a good time and I thoroughly enjoyed the weekend (besides the call we got 5:30 in the morning from my tearful and very intoxicated sister who called to tell me she missed me. It was a nice gesture, but hopefully next time - she'll wait until she's sober and make sure it's a normal time of day before calling).
This week, I'm catching up on my web classes and hopefully will be posting the finished home page and finally updating the song of the week which I haven't done in weeks...



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Broken...

Thursday, April 20, 2006

I'm out of commission for the second day today with severe muscle spasms and a pinched nerve in my back. The pain is honestly awful. I can't even take a deep breath without crying out. I'm not sure what caused it. This sort of thing happens from time to time with my condition. I can be fine one moment and the next I'll bend over to tend to a load of laundry and I'll be in excruciating pain. Yesterday, I went to put moisturizer on my legs after my shower and I've been in pretty bad shape ever since.
I went to meet my trainer at the gym anyway to see if he could help me stretch thinking it might help and ended up even worse last night. We speculated over and over about what could have done it, (I think he feels responsible in some way), but I think the bottom line is that I'm just broken. I was broken before starting at the gym and I'll probably still be broken once I'm fit. This is just a part of being me and living with my condition. I just try to tell myself that it could be a lot worse and considering what other illnesses can do to people - I'm pretty lucky.
I'll blog again when I'm feeling better...



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Feeling lonely today...

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

longdistan.gif I'm feeling miserable today. I just got back from the gym. It's a beautiful day and I'd love to go out and do something, but the trouble is that I don't have anyone to do anything with. I've been waiting for some sign of spring because I thought it was the long gray winter that was getting me down, but it turns out - it wasn't. I thought joining the gym was going to make me feel better as well, but I was wrong about that too because even though I'm surrounded by people - I'm still alone.
In the locker room, I over heard some girls talking about going out for lunch and I had to hold back the tears because I would just love to have someone to go to lunch with (more than anything what I'd really like is to be able to sit down with my best friend and just chat - I miss her more than anything right now). On my way home, there were girls everywhere walking along coupled or in groups and it just made me feel so alone. What's worse is that I can't even call my friends back home because there, it's not even 8am. I'd call my fellow expat girlfriend but I got an email from her today that's she's crazy busy packing for her move back to the states. I'm unsure it would help anyway because I know that by the end of the month, she too will be out of the time zone. I've been here over a year and a half and I really thought by now, I'd have some friends, but I don't and I'm feeling quite lonely.
Over the weekend, we went to visit Wayne's family. We went out to dinner with Wayne's cousin/best friend, Gareth and at dinner I had a terrible argument with him. It started over him making too many 'American' comments, but I honestly don't know what it was really about. Maybe I'm just sick of feeling like an outsider and got angry at him because I didn't want an evening talking about politics and religion (two subjects I make a concerted effort to avoid at all costs unless it's with Wayne) I just wanted a relaxing evening, but it was far from relaxing. I ended up leaving the table in tears. Wayne went after me and talked me down enough to go back to the table. He asked Gareth to apologize; which made it even worse and before I knew it, I was openly crying at the table and biting my tongue because I just wanted the whole thing to be over. In the end, nobody ate the expensive meals we ordered, we both half apologised and spent the rest of the evening pretending it didn't happen (while much to my dismay, debating about religion and politics). I've been trying to recover ever since. I've always liked Gareth and I'm sorry it happened.
I hate writing woe-is-me blog entries. Who wants to read about how miserable I am? But today, this blog is all I have...



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Photo Gallery added

Thursday, April 13, 2006

I have finally added my photo gallery. There are a dozen or so albums so far, but I'll be adding a couple more and also adding additional photos to some of the existing albums tomorrow and early next week. I hope you like the gallery...



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My training so far...

workout.jpg It's nearly 9:30 in the morning. I got up an hour ago and I'm still utterly exhausted. I started with my trainer this week and he has me at the gym twice a day (only until I lose the weight) because since I'm doing my web training from home, I just don't move around enough to burn a good amount of calories (besides during my workouts). The thing is that I've been virtually sitting on my ass in front of this computer for the last 6 months and going to the gym twice a day is a lot for me. Last night I think I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow and at the moment, I feel like I can sleep for another 8 hours, but I promised Wayne (and myself) that I'd actually get some work done today before I head over to the gym (I'm only going once today).
My trainer is really good. Although I'm still unsure if it's a good thing to have an attractive trainer. Maybe by next week I'll get used to it and I'll feel less self conscious. If I wasn't married, I'd have no problem with it. I'd probably flirt relentlessly and enjoy it, but because I'm married (happily), it feels wrong flirting and I find myself unsure how to behave. This is probably because it's the first time since I'm with Wayne that I'm in this sort of situation. Wayne has no problem with it at all (he doesn't have an insecure or jealous bone in his body). The other night when I was leaving for my first session with Dan (who Wayne calls Dan Dan the gorgeous man), I hugged Wayne after kissing him good-bye and he said over my shoulder, 'Now, don't forget the rules.' I asked, 'what rules?' and he replied 'No touching the penis' I laughed and said 'Thank God you told me or who knows what I would have done!' this sort of sarcastic, playful banter is a perfect example of our relationship and I have to admit that it helped a lot as I left to go meet with my ever so cute personal trainer.
I wish I could say it helped yesterday - while Dan was telling me to stand up straight, he used the British term 'Tits and Teeth' (which means - chest out and smile). When he said it, I blushed instantly like a 12 year old girl. The thing is that I don't blush easily. Hell, I hang out with Doug, who couldn't be more inappropriate - yet, at 34 years old, hearing the word 'tits' out of the mouth of my trainer makes me turn a bright shade of red! Things like this happened a few times during our session and it's just plain embarrassing. The other day, Wayne told me that I'm allowed to flirt with him if I think I can remember how. Maybe I should give it try, because blushing my way through, doesn't seem to be working.



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Breaking my own rule...

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

As a rule, there are two topics I don't blog about: religion and politics. I don't blog about it because it's not my place to force my opinion or beliefs on anyone else. Today, I'm breaking that rule because last night, I saw a story on the BBC news that I couldn't believe - South Dakota OKs ban on Abortion - I'm shocked, saddened and horrified by this! There are certainly more states throughout the country that will follow suite and I can't believe this day has come! What happened to separation of church and state?? That's what it's about to the politicians that are suddenly taking the rights of woman away - because of their religious beliefs they are ruining lives. The new law bans abortion even in cases of rape and incest! What the fuck is happening to America?? Maybe woman will have to start covering their faces in public as well and we'll start putting people to death for being atheists or believing in the wrong God. Laws like this, based on religious beliefs makes the US no different than the Islamic countries who's laws are based on religion. All while we are going around the world preaching about democracy and freedom! Democracy? Freedom? Was there a vote? It doesn't matter what our personal views are on abortion. It's not about weather it's right or wrong morally, it's about having the right to make the choice! I'm disgusted over this new law and if this is what's to come of the country I love, I may think twice about ever moving back because I will no longer be proud to be an American.



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Still going...

Monday, April 10, 2006

I start with my personal trainer tonight. I'm looking forward to it. It's amazing how many people have an opinion about how I should be working out. It seems everyone I talk to offers up unsolicited advice on what I should be doing and how to do it. It will be refreshing to get the guidance of a professional once and for all.
Week three of my new fitness program started today. I worked out 6 days last week doing at least 40 minutes of cardio a day and 3 days of weights. Today, I did 60 minutes of cardio and I meet with the trainer tonight. Despite the pain I've had to endure (mostly due to my illness) I'm enjoying it and feel a great sense of accomplishment every time I go to workout. I've been told for years that exercise will improve my condition. I hate to say it, but I'm foolishly hoping for a miracle cure and every morning when I wake up in pain and feeling just as exhausted as I did the night before, I'm disappointed, but I drive on regardless - still hoping that when I'm stronger, I'll feel better. At the very least, I know I'll lose the weight and I'll probably look better than I have in years (fingers crossed). So, if my magical cure doesn't come, at least there will still be an achievement to be proud of.
My goal is to lose the weight by July. I'm hoping if I stick to my diet and exercise I'll finally get the result I've been looking to get to for the last 2 years. I'll never let the doctors put me on steroids again because I never want to gain so much weight unless the end result is a baby...
As far as my web training goes - I've been working on my photo gallery course so, hopefully by the end of the week, I'll post the new section of my site. I must admit that the web training has been falling by the wayside now that I'm going to the gym so much. It's been really tough to concentrate when I've been in so much pain. Hopefully, it will get easier soon and things will go back to normal.



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It's been a while...

Wednesday, April 5, 2006

I haven't blogged or even worked on my web training in a while. Last week, I started my new workout regime. It was a long and hard week (hence my disappearance). When I

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