Admitting Defeat

Friday, September 25, 2009

Last week, my husband informed me that I'm miserable.  He said the only time I smile any more is when I'm with my son.  I got defensive and very woe is me like and asked is that why I can't make any friends here - because I have an air of misery?? Followed by a quick exit of the room to go and clean something (that's what woman do.  We clean things when we're upset).  Later when I was ready to talk, I asked him, 'Is that really how you see me?' He said, 'yes, but I know why you're miserable and I know what I have to do to change it.'
So, we're going back to the States.  Wayne hopes to do it next summer, but there is a lot to be done before then so as long as it doesn't take another 2 years, I'm just glad the decision has been made.
We've talked about doing it before, but then the recession hit and our businesses suffered and the plans had to be nixed.  We're doing better now and we're going to hit the ground running.  Earlier this week, I started Wayne's Green Card application.  Once it's sent and the money is paid, it will be the official start of our long trip home.
Maybe there is no shame in admitting defeat.  Maybe me and England were never meant to be.  Five years is a long time to go without friends and without family.  I am officially admitting defeat and going back before I am forever changed by this experience.



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Social Networking Sites

Monday, September 7, 2009

I've been on both Facebook & MySpace for quite some time. When I first joined, I couldn't understand the appeal. I just didn't see what all the fuss was about. Then one day my best friend called me and told me to check something out on Facebook (a photo of someone from days gone by). While having a peek, I noticed that people where using their maiden names to make it easier for people to find them. I figured this was a good idea and I did the same. That's when it all became clear because before long, I had over a 100 different people on my friend list. It was a mix of people from throughout my life that I had friendships with, knew casually or went to school with (and some that knew me, but I honestly didn't remember them). It was quite the phenomenon - at my fingertips, there were over 100 people from throughout my life that I could see pictures of & catch up with!
There is a downside to this phenomenon though. Actually, there are many downsides. Some I won't discuss, but I will name a few in this post and in posts to follow.
For one, catching up with people may not be quite what you imagine. You can look back on days gone by and have something emerge you never quite expected...
On MySpace, I had the first great love in my life send me a friend request. I was shocked & so pleased to hear from him in this way. Before long he started posting pictures of the days we were together - pictures he said were taken for me while we were in a long distance relationship (he was in the Army) - pictures he wrote me love letters on. Seeing these photos on such a public forum bothered me. After all, they were my photos, but I swept those thoughts from my head thinking I'm happily married now, it was a long time ago - what's the difference now. Soon after, there was a comment on one of those photos from a woman I did not recognize and never heard of before. Her comment read something like this - 'Thanks so much for the memories - you were such a prize on my arm back then.' Ouch!
This was the man I believed was the first real love of my life. This was that man that all other were compared to - the man I kept a special place in my heart for. 20 years later, there I sat heartbroken by the truth of the matter. One little thing on social networking site, changed my whole life story. It went from I story that I thought I knew, to one I only knew the edited version of and that is hard to get used to. My memories are skewed and I'll never know what was real and what wasn't.



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