I just heard from an old friend via instant messenger. We worked together for 5 years. Today, he confessed his undying love for me! What the fuck is it about men? Why can't I have just one male friend that doesn't hit me with 'I'm in love with you' at some point in our relationship?? I'm so aggravated!! I'm also in shock! How can I be so blind? He's the second one from that office that has hit me with such a shock (and I was very close with both of them)!! You work side by side with someone for years and think that they are a real friend and then - guess what? I was never your friend...
This means that there are only 3 close male friends that I have had that haven't confessed such a thing. One of them has passed away, so it's unlikely he'll ever hit me with it (oh God, would I have been crushed!). That doesn't include Dougie, who is Wayne's best friend (not that there haven't been any supposed best friends of boyfriends that haven't behaved badly. I've always kept those a secret though because it's not fatal and friendships should never end over a woman).
One of the others, I was really close friends with in high school. We got drunk and kissed one night just to see if there was anything to the years of rumors about us. After the kiss, we looked at each other and at the same time said, 'nah' and that was that. We were really just friends, although it didn't stop his girlfriend (whom he later married) from putting an end to our friendship because she just couldn't believe there was nothing between us.
I feel like calling the one remaining friend and asking him if this is the truth behind our friendship too, but I don't have the heart. We've been friends for far too long. I have to admit though, that I'm always going to wonder about it now. I'm really bothered by this trend. It makes me feel foolish and blind.
It's been a while since I blogged regularly. I guess I've been going by the rule - if you don't have anything nice to say - don't say anything at all. I hate 'woe is me' type entries and for the last month or so, I've been really down and haven't had anything good to say. I think it started with the news that Aniela (my fellow expat girlfriend) was moving back to the US and was exacerbated by the incident with Wayne's cousin and the flare up of my condition (along with a general feeling of homesickness & loneliness). I was really depressed for quite a few weeks there and haven't been doing much more than going to the gym and other random things to keep me busy during the day. I haven't even worked on my web classes (in any serious way) in weeks (probably because I can't concentrate when I'm in pain - never mind get very motivated). I'm not so down anymore. Maybe it's the sunshine. Maybe it's the fact that I'...
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