Attitude adjustment...

Sunday, May 7, 2006

It's been a while since I blogged regularly. I guess I've been going by the rule - if you don't have anything nice to say - don't say anything at all. I hate 'woe is me' type entries and for the last month or so, I've been really down and haven't had anything good to say. I think it started with the news that Aniela (my fellow expat girlfriend) was moving back to the US and was exacerbated by the incident with Wayne's cousin and the flare up of my condition (along with a general feeling of homesickness & loneliness).
I was really depressed for quite a few weeks there and haven't been doing much more than going to the gym and other random things to keep me busy during the day. I haven't even worked on my web classes (in any serious way) in weeks (probably because I can't concentrate when I'm in pain - never mind get very motivated).
I'm not so down anymore. Maybe it's the sunshine. Maybe it's the fact that I've gone down a dress size since I started going to the gym. I'm not really sure what made a difference, but my mood seems to have brightened and I'm feeling more myself. I'm going to make a conscious effort to start blogging on a regular basis again.
As far as my flare up goes - I think I've passed the worst of it and (knock on wood) I've been feeling much better this week. Hopefully, I'm getting stronger and the flare-ups will be fewer and farther between.
My training is going quite well. I've become immune to how cute my trainer is and haven't blushed in weeks (Thank God). Wayne has also stopped referring to him as 'Dan-Dan the gorgeous man' which helps a lot. I now see him as just 'Dan' and the blushing only lasted for our first couple of sessions. I'm really quite relaxed around him (despite how cute he happens to be) and have grown to depend on him to keep me going on the bad days. He has been really good with helping me stay focused through the pain. On my better days, he's been a good laugh and has taught me a lot. I've decided to stay on with him until I either lose the weight or can't afford him anymore. =)
During my absence, I have gotten quite a few really encouraging emails and comments and I just want to thank those who took the time to share their thoughts with me and try to help lift my spirits. I hope my new visitors will stick around and continue to participate.
I feel somewhat guilty for going through my little bout of depression. I feel like I should be counting my blessings. When I think about what my life was like before Wayne swooped in and rescued me - I think who the hell am I to complain?? Just a few years ago, I was struggling to get by financially (failing miserably), I had a restraining order on a man who in no uncertain terms - tried to kill me, was getting letters from him while in jail & lived in fear every day of both him and what would become of me when I finally ran out of money. I lost almost everything and was going down in flames...
Now, I live a very comfortable life and have a man who not only takes very good care of me, but loves me just as much as I love him. I don't want for anything and am more than blessed with the fact that at the end of the day, I fall asleep each night next to someone who I love more than I ever thought possible. Who am I to complain?? Who am I to get depressed?? I'm a lucky woman and I'm going to do my best to focus on the positive from now on.
I'm going to update my song of the week when I'm done with this entry as well. I think I'll start with something upbeat to stick with my look on the brighter side attitude...



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12 comments:

  1. Tanith said...:

    I think almost everyone goes through a period when they move to a new country where they just feel lonely and homesick because everything is just so different. Especially when people make comments about the home you're missing (and you take it to heart even if you previously would have just laughed it off), and the people back home don't keep in touch as much as you'd like.
    But hey, that's part of the journey for a lot of expats. And it looks like you're starting to really adjust. :) It only gets better from here.

  1. Erren said...:

    Tanith,
    Thanks so much for the lovely sentiment. It's really wonderful when strangers reach out to let us know we're not alone and to offer encouragement. A stranger won't sugar coat it so you always know it's coming from the heart =)
    When did your journey start? How long have you been in the UK?
    Erren

  1. Tanith said...:

    Erren,
    My journey started a couple of years ago, but I'm still in the US at the moment...hehe. The longest I've been in the UK at one stretch was 3 months. Not long enough to really become adjusted and feel at home, but I felt a little bit out of place and confused due to culture shock (the first supermarket experience was an interesting one!). I also encountered some people who reaaally liked to mock the US. Joking back was definitely the best way to deal with them.
    I was actually mostly basing my comment on things I've heard other people say about their experience. :) I'll be moving over there permanentely on Halloween of this year. I'm excited, but nervous about whether or not I'll be able to take my own advice when I get there on a permanent basis. ;)

  1. Aniela said...:

    Hi chicklet,
    Just wanted to write and let you know am thinking of you - we have just moved into the condo in CT - got here yesterday evening - life is moving so fast I hardly have time to breathe!! Today this got the better of me and even though I am now living closer to my family and friends, couldn't help but feel melancholy and even shed some tears... Think it is because life is changing and I am not good with big changes... anywho, thinking of you and Wayne and listening to a screaming Ruby - must skoot... love to you both from the three of us.. xx

  1. andrea said...:

    I am not quite there yet - but moving to london in a few weeks, and I just spent 2 weeks over there (and I can completely second the supermarket comment) with my fiance and I am sure it will be tough, but you are lucky you have someone great in your life!

  1. Sara Tabor said...:

    Just wanted to say hello, and thank you for the lovely comment! I'll be keeping an eye on your strong woman writing - look forward to hearing from you more. Keep pulling yourself up by the bootstraps and climbin' on. Talk to you later!

  1. Erren said...:

    Tanith,
    Where are you moving to in England? I moved here in Oct as well. One thing you need to experience is Bonfire night Which is November 5th. It's a wonderful bazaar experience that shouldn't be missed. Do it after your move - it's really good fun and very British. Have someone English explain it to you and let me know what you think!
    Anyway, believe it or not the anti-American thing doesn't always bother me. I'm usually good at firing right back or joining in (depending on the subject manner), but for some reason I took it quite personally this last time. I guess sometimes it gets tiresome being the odd man out. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot positive aspects to living here - it just depends on the day =) I'm sure you'll do fine. If you ever need a fellow expat - pop over and you'll be bound to find a few that can help you through the rough patches!
    Erren

  1. Erren said...:

    On Supermarkets -
    The supermarkets are definitely difficult to master! If you need any help let me know. I've had to re-learn to cook so many things and found it really difficult in the beginning. The first time I made rice - I made enough to feed an army! It gets easier each time I promise!

  1. Erren said...:

    Aniela,
    Hey Chick! I miss you loads! Hows Connecticut? How's the condo? It has to be easier to deal with than it was moving to England (try to keep that in mind)! I know change sucks but you made it here - you'll make it there. next time you go to the grocery store, talk to a random stranger and remind yourself of where you are! =) If you need to talk, give me a call. I know you'll be fine!
    Love to Herman & little Ruby!
    Love, Erren

  1. Erren said...:

    Sara,
    Sounds to me like you have a strong woman additude as well (even if it dosen't always feel that way). I too look foward to keeping in touch!
    Erren

  1. Aniela said...:

    Hi dearie - working on H's laptop and thespacebar is not working unless onehits it extremely hard!!!!!!!!! Aggghhh!!!! Will you be in thisweekend? Have been wanting to call but am running in and out during morning/afternoon as am H's chauffeur (how does one spell that??) and he goes in at 10-11 and comes home 3-4, so by the time I am home, I have to leaveagain!! Darn this laptop *!$%!! Am swearing inside, really ;) Will be in touch this weekend... miss you :( Hi to Wayne.. Luv, meand Rubes

  1. Tanith said...:

    Erren,
    I'm going to be in Warwickshire when I move over.
    I definitely intend to go to bonfire night! My fiance has told me about it a few times, and I heard the fireworks for weeks beforehand as I was talking to him on the phone.
    I was just starting to get the hang of the supermarkets by the time I had to leave last time. I also have a list of alternate ingredients for recipes that I printed out. And I'm definitely taking American measuring cups to use with my American cookbooks. I think I'm all set in that department! :)