Last night, Dougie (Wayne's Friend) came over. He needed help with some stuff on his laptop and came over with it for me to look at.
I should probably start by saying I know I never have anything good to say about Doug because I don't agree with his lifestyle - Womanizing very young girls (is that a contradiction of terms or what?), drunken behavior and his cheating ways when he is in a relationship that is supposed to be exclusive, But Doug isn't all bad. He is a really good friend to Wayne and there isn't anything he wouldn't do for him (that alone scores points with me). He picked us up from the airport at 6:30 in the morning and brought us bottled water, milk and bread just in case we didn't have any food in the house. He also looks out for me by not letting any of his friends smoke in my presents knowing quitting has been difficult. There are a number of sweet kind-hearted things he does for us so, the thing about Dougie is I really like him, but he also infuriates me with his lifestyle.
His 18 year old girlfriend just left for college (I also disapprove very strongly with his choice to date girls who were children not so long ago). I hated seeing how sad she was and how scared she was about leaving him. She's such a sweet girl and she deserves so much better than what I know she'll get from him.
I asked him last night to break up with her (knowing he has no intention of being faithful to her while she's gone and that he has no intention of making this relationship permanent) and I was pretty hard on him and I feel kind of bad about it today.
I was her age when I met the man who would be for the next 10++ years, the love of my life (before my husband of course) and I wish someone would have warned me - you'll wait for him for 2 years (after he leaves for the army) during which time he may or may not be faithful to you (I'll never really know). In the end, you'll only see him twice during that time. He will end up marrying another woman leaving you brokenhearted, and you will not get over him for another decade or so (see, not all my memories of him are full of hearts and flowers). If someone would have warned me, would I have stayed with him? - Hell, yes! I would have been with him anyway (no-one could have stopped me) trying to change our fate, but I would have at least known what I was signing up for! That age is so important and there is so much this young girl will miss out on waiting for a man she will never have and I take it so personally.
Then their is the cheating issue Doug struggles with (he's cheated on every girlfriend he has ever had). Trying to defend himself, he said to me, 'Even married men who love their wives and are married for years, make mistakes and cheat does that make them a bad person?' To which I responded, 'Cheating is not a mistake you make. It's a choice.' It's not like you slip and fall - woops, oh my, look where my penis landed... Cheating is a whole chain of acts that you choose to continue with - You kiss and have the choice to stop, but don't - you touch and have the choice to stop, but don't - you undress and have the choice to stop, but don't. All of these acts are a chain of events you choose to take when you cheat on the person you claim to love. It is not a mistake. A mistake is an accident like slipping and falling. Cheating is a choice and it infuriates me to hear anyone try to excuse it! Until now, I am pretty sure no man has ever been faithful to me (I am positive all but one were not) and I take this issue also, very personally.
Wayne says I waste my breath and my time with Doug. I should let it go and stop trying to change him. Maybe he's right. I guess I struggle with remaining friends with someone who's lifestyle I can't respect. He infuriates me and yet I still like him. It's strange - I don't know why, but I feel really bad for being so hard on him and I almost want to apologize for it.