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Out of site, out of mind (and the family)

Over the weekend, Wayne and I went out to celebrate my one year smoke free. I have to admit I got pretty drunk. I guess I needed a drink because I didn't have a very good week leading up to our night out. It was enough going through my step father being rushed to the hospital and having to sit here helpless for hours before I got an update (being s far from home when there is a crisis is really tough), but the day after, I had a 'discussion' with my Mother that was enough to drive anyone to drink!
I didn't like waiting so long for an update. I hated it. It was just awful. After waiting nearly four hours, I started calling every family member's home and cell phones. I finally got in touch with my sister-in-law who told me she had been getting regular updates and let me know what was going on. This infuriated me! They were calling her, but not me!
Before you get ahead of yourselves and think - How could they call you in England until they go home? You see, I have a Skype ( phone number that allows anyone to call me on a New Jersey phone number and it rings here in England. They can call me any time of any day and never pay an international rate. It costs me money, but I can't make it easier for people to call. Although, I still don't get too many calls at all.
Anyway, like I said - I was furious and hurt. Why didn't it occur to them to call me when they called my sister-in-law with updates? I may be far away, but I'm still part of the family! They don't appear to agree because things have changed since I moved here.
My mother calls once a week (most of the time anyway), but for the first 6 months - she never called even once (She only calls now because I confronted her on it). I hear from my step father, sister and brother very infrequently. Nobody sent me a Christmas gift (except my best friend) and I only got two cards from back home (why I continue to spend hundreds of $$s to ship gifts to them is beyond me). My birthday is Monday and I haven't seen even a hint of a card arriving. After living here for nearly a year and a half, there hasn't even been a whisper suggesting I will ever get a visit from anyone. All of this hurts and the longer it goes on, the less I see myself making an effort because honestly, I don't see the point in setting myself up for disappointment...

After the smoke cleared and I knew my step father was out of the woods, I talked to my mother about not getting updates on his condition. It was an awful and hurtful discussion. She said things like 'When you're not here it's difficult to remember you' and 'even if we spoke every day, with you living there, we'll never be close' this hit me hard and for the following 3 days, I would randomly break out in tears and became terribly depressed.
So, when we went out Saturday night, I had 3 drinks at dinner and 3 more at the club afterwards (that's a lot for someone who almost never drinks). We had a wonderful time (even though I suffered through the day on Sunday nursing a hangover) and I may have even made a friend! After living here for so long without even one girlfriend - it sure would be nice to finally have one.


Mindy said…
I haven't been on in a while. Your blog looks really good and I'm so glad to see it's going well for you. I really enjoy coming to the site to see what changes you've made and what's happening on your side of the world. Glad you took my advise on adding your picture - you have to play the pretty card Er! Oh and the clocks are a really nice touch!
I hope you didn't think I lost interest. I was working the day shift for the last week. I think I'm actually starting to like the night shift better! Anyway... I'm sorry you're having such hard time with your family. I wish it could be different for you. Try to keep your chin up.
What are you doing for your birthday?
Tammy said…
Hi. I moved to the UK from Florida last year. I can totally relate to how you're feeling about your family. Mine have pulled back as well treating me like a deserter.
I know how it is to feel forgotten at Xmas too. I got a package from my parents and a few cards, but nothing from friends or siblings. It's not the fact that I wanted gifts; I just wanted to felt thought of. I do hope your birthday goes better for you.
Great site BTW. You have inspired me to try doing one of my own!
Erren said…
Thanks so much for sharing your experience - it means a lot. You're right - I didn't want gifts - I just wanted to feel thought of. Go for the blog - it really makes a difference and gives you an outlet. There are tons of free services out there.
Stacy said…
Hi Erren. I
Erren ( said…
Tammy & Stacy,
My goodness, your comments are so lovely and touching! I don't even know what to say except thank you and if you ever need to vent to someone on this side of the world - email me.
I'll start adding my email to comments from now on. Sooner or later, I'll add a contact me link - thanks for the heads up!
Erren ( said…
Min - The pretty card?? That's not what I was doing (but thanks)! You're too much! =)

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