It's all coming back to me now...

Sunday, February 12, 2006

music soundtrack.jpg

When I started listening to my radio station from back home, I didn't count on the effect it would have on me. They say that music is the soundtrack of our lives. Indeed it is. It's amazing how when listening to a song, you can actually rewind and re-play moments of your life as if they just happened yesterday, and how sometimes without warning - you're just hurled back in time to a moment you've long forgotten.
This morning when I put on the station, I was inundated with memories when I heard 'It's all coming back to me now' by Celine Dion (she's not exactly my first choice in music these days). As much as I can't stand the her, when I heard it - I couldn't help but stop what I was doing because I had a flood of memories rushing through my mind. I could even remember a conversation that was had while the song was playing.
Just now, Under the Bridge by The Red Hot Chili Peppers was just playing (what radio station plays both Celie Dion and the Red Hot Chili Peppers anyway??) It took me back in time to 1992, when I first met my ex husband. It reminded me of us driving in his car holding hands and I could almost feel the hope I had that maybe this time I wouldn't get hurt. For the first time in years, I realized that my ex husband and I did have a time that was beautiful between us (somewhere along the way, I've forgotten that part of our relationship).
There have also been other songs that have taken me back to moments I'd rather not revisit ever again. Moments that were ugly and fearful with Roger (the bad ex). When I hear these songs, I hate him with everything that I am. I've never hated anyone before. When I hear these songs, I try to listen to them so I can face it head on, but most of the time, I take off the headphones and quickly chase the memories from my mind.
When your living in another country, there aren't a lot of songs that come on the radio which take you back in time. BBC Radio One has been sort of like a musical fresh start for me - a clean slate. Depending on how you look at it, it it's either a good thing or sort of an empty one. There are things about the past I'd like to forget; if they were handing out pills for it, I'd be one of the first in line. But there are also a lot of things I don't want to forget. Some things just define us - good, bad or indifferent - our history makes us who we are. Listening to this radio station has been like a refresher course on my life's history. Even though it's nice to have a clean slate (which is what Wayne has been for me in so many ways), it's also really nice to re-visit my life thus far.

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  1. Mindy said...:

    Er, is that you in the graduation pic?? Look at that hair!! You must have been 5 inches taller with that! Too Funny!

  1. Erren said...:

    Oh like I'm the only one that had big hair back then!! It was cool at the time and if it added height - all the better =) It was awful wasn't it? My goodness, why did I have to be young in the 80s?...
    Can you believe the 80s are in fashion again? I hate going shopping and seeing it all in the windows! I can't possibly buy an outfit I wore when I was in the 7th grade - It just feels ridiculous! Does that mean I've become too old for trendy looks?? Oh no - say it isn't so! Or then again - if it keeps me out of headbands, neon colors and leg-warmers this time around - all the better (at least I can say this time, I'm old enough t know better!)