I'm feeling miserable today. I just got back from the gym. It's a beautiful day and I'd love to go out and do something, but the trouble is that I don't have anyone to do anything with. I've been waiting for some sign of spring because I thought it was the long gray winter that was getting me down, but it turns out - it wasn't. I thought joining the gym was going to make me feel better as well, but I was wrong about that too because even though I'm surrounded by people - I'm still alone.
In the locker room, I over heard some girls talking about going out for lunch and I had to hold back the tears because I would just love to have someone to go to lunch with (more than anything what I'd really like is to be able to sit down with my best friend and just chat - I miss her more than anything right now). On my way home, there were girls everywhere walking along coupled or in groups and it just made me feel so alone. What's worse is that I can't even call my friends back home because there, it's not even 8am. I'd call my fellow expat girlfriend but I got an email from her today that's she's crazy busy packing for her move back to the states. I'm unsure it would help anyway because I know that by the end of the month, she too will be out of the time zone. I've been here over a year and a half and I really thought by now, I'd have some friends, but I don't and I'm feeling quite lonely.
Over the weekend, we went to visit Wayne's family. We went out to dinner with Wayne's cousin/best friend, Gareth and at dinner I had a terrible argument with him. It started over him making too many 'American' comments, but I honestly don't know what it was really about. Maybe I'm just sick of feeling like an outsider and got angry at him because I didn't want an evening talking about politics and religion (two subjects I make a concerted effort to avoid at all costs unless it's with Wayne) I just wanted a relaxing evening, but it was far from relaxing. I ended up leaving the table in tears. Wayne went after me and talked me down enough to go back to the table. He asked Gareth to apologize; which made it even worse and before I knew it, I was openly crying at the table and biting my tongue because I just wanted the whole thing to be over. In the end, nobody ate the expensive meals we ordered, we both half apologised and spent the rest of the evening pretending it didn't happen (while much to my dismay, debating about religion and politics). I've been trying to recover ever since. I've always liked Gareth and I'm sorry it happened.
I hate writing woe-is-me blog entries. Who wants to read about how miserable I am? But today, this blog is all I have...
The other mother and I went into the school to meet with the teacher and the assistant head. We both let them know how upset we were that we were not informed that our children were sent to the office and how much we were against the children being allowed to play fighting games on the playground. I told them I wouldn't allow it at home and I'm really unhappy that it's being allowed at school. They admitted it was a problem and explained that they are planning to introduce a a scheme to teach the children to play in a safe way. They will be calling it 'Super Hero Training'. They plan to give out capes & masks out to children who behave well as rewards at playtime. They will have assemblies where they will teach the children to play fighting games without making contact. I find this to be absurd. The problem has gone on to long and I doubt they will be able to teach little children to change their games when they have sixty other childr...
Comments
I found your blog through a google search for expat blogs. I JUST started mine, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in feeling that way! I have been here 4 years 8 months and I still feel quite lonely sometimes - I went to the gym last night and you pretty much described exactly how I felt! Although I was surrounded by people I still felt alone. Anyhow - chin up - things will get better - and summer is coming:)
As for the anti-American comments...you can either laugh those off and shoot the insults right back at people like that, or you can let them get to you. I find the former to be more constructive. Or, better yet, just ignore them. They are likely talking about their distaste with American politics, foreign policy, and consumer-driven culture. I dislike those things about the US as well! It isn't a reflection of how they feel about you or the actual *people* in the US. And if you let them get to you and run away crying, you've only confirmed the stereotype they have in their heads. Sorry if that sounds harsh...but really I've found it better to either joke back, tell them what life is really like in the US, or simply calmly leave.
Also, a thought on one of your previous posts about bread products in the UK: have you tried crumpets in place of English muffins? I think they are fairly close to being the same thing. And bread products taste different in the UK because they don't use as many preservatives. It's better for you. :)