I'm really feeling miserable today. It seems it's becoming a real trend these days. I've been consciously staying away from blogging because I really hate to be a wet blanket, and since a lot of what's bothering me has to do with being an expat - I hate to seem miserable all the time because I wouldn't want to give future expats the wrong impression of life as an expat. Everyone's experiences are different, so if you are a future expat, please keep in mind that what your reading may not be 'the norm' for all expats...
I have a lot of frustrations lately due to living here. I feel like I'm 15 again and depending on someone else for everything I do. I don't drive here, don't have a bank account or any friends for that matter. This leaves me lonely, walking a lot (way too often in the rain!) , asking for rides and asking my husband to write me checks for various things. It's a real frustration and it's starting to really get to me.
I don't drive here for a couple of reasons 1) For my first year here, my New Jersey DL expired and I couldn't drive here without it. After I went back and got it all sorted out, I guess I lost my nerve and I've been really afraid of trying to learn to drive here. 2) We only have one car and my husband needs it for work - plus, it's a stick shift which I don't know how to drive; not only will I have to learn how to drive on the roads here, but I'll have to learn to drive a stick shift as well as being on the wrong side of the road driving on the wrong side of the car! I keep telling myself that because we only have one car it's not like learning to drive is going to make my life any easier because I won't have a car to drive!
I also can't seem to get a bank account in this country (because I don't have any established credit here) so everything I do, comes out of my saving in my US account or out of my husbands pocket (makes me feel like saying 'thanks Dad' everytime he has to give me money). I can't write checks and half the time, I can't use my debit card because it doesnt have 'chip and pin' and a lot of stores won't except my card. This is more frustrating than you can imagine because it's inconvenient and really expensive with the exchange rate.
I stopped carrying a hand bag when I moved here because basically, I don't have anything to put in it. I don't carry keys when we go out because I don't drive, I quit smoking so no need to carry cigarettes and lighter, I don't have to carry a cell phone when we're out because I don't have any friends here so nobody calls me and I don't carry a wallet because there isn't a lot to put in it (no need to carry a driver's license I'm not using etc etc). So no hand bag. What I wouldn't do to need a hand bag again! A hand bag means you have a life, so girls - next time it's bugging you because your's is too heavy - consider yourself lucky!
The highlight of my week is meeting with my personal trainer because for a couple of hours, twice a week, it gives me the illusion of friendship. We laugh and talk and get on real well and for a little while, I feel normal. But the truth is that we're not friends. I've never seen him outside of the gym, we don't chat on the phone or go out for coffee - he's my trainer and as much as I like him - that's about all he is.
I'm supposed to be making calls to get some things going for my new business, but all week I haven't been able to get the nerve to pick up the phone because I have this overwhelming feeling that people won't want to deal with me because I'm American. I may be wrong about that, but I'm truly afaid to find out.
To top off my day, I had a fight with my Mother earlier and it just really upset me considering I was feeling down before she called. Maybe it's just one of those days, but I have to say that lately, it feels like one of those months!
I really miss my friends...
I quit smoking when I moved to the UK, mainly because I promised my husband I would. I did it for him, but not because I wanted to. I enjoyed smoking. I missed it, but quit successfully for many years until I went through a stressful time and started again. My relapse lasted over a year. The whole time, I was ashamed of myself. I hated the smell. I hated how I felt, I hated the health risks and I hated my lack of willpower. I've known a few people who have tried e-cigarettes. I was a skeptic. I thought it was going from one habit to another. The people I knew that tried it, always had it and were constantly sucking on it. It seemed to me they were more addicted to it then they were cigarettes. I don't know any smokers that constantly had a cigarette in their hand. Then in January, I saw a piece about it on the BBC News. I watched with interest thinking they were going to say that they have found it to be harmful. What they said was quite the o
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Ask if your husband can help you open a joint account. Otherwise, have him put some bill in your name as well (utility, council tax, etc) so that you have some mail of a prestigious sort coming to your house with your name on it. If he goes in with you, and you can prove that your a resident, you can get an account. It's a bit obscene how backwards the Brits are on this. But, I opened my account on Wednesday of last week, and am a proud owner of a brand new PIN card!
Come meet up with me in London! I don't have a car either, but I'm terribly lonely, esp during the World Cup etc. Okay... I'll stop stalking now!