When did I grow up?

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Occasionally, I like to put on my favorite radio station from back home. It feels good to hear the familiar voices of the DJs and hear the music I used to listen to; although a lot of it seems pretty dodgy these days - my taste in music has changed considerably since I've moved here. It seems that every time I put on the station, they're playing Bruce Springsteen (typical of a NJ radio station I guess) and I almost immediately want to turn it off, but suffer through to see what else they'll play.
This morning they played a song that reminded me of a time that seems to be a lifetime ago and I'm suddenly realizing that I'm so much older than I feel and how long ago it was that I was a teenager experiencing things for the first time. It's funny how I'm still making some of the same mistakes now that I did then. I guess some lessons are never learned.
I just can't believe it's been nearly 20 years since I fell in love for the first time or that it's actually been 20 years that I've been friends with my best friend (or that I'm suddenly living with out her for the first time in all of these years). I know it's been forever, but I can still remember those times so clearly. Which is weird because some days, I can't remember what I had for breakfast, but I can still tell you exactly what my first Love's face looked like the first time I saw him and what we were both wearing (oh Lord, now I really feel old)!
I don't feel 30-something. I still feel 20-something and yet, I got my first gray hair before ever having my first child. How is it that I'm now using eye cream to desperately try and stop any wrinkles from forming and I'm at the gym every damned day (6 days a week) and still haven't lost any weight in months? How is it that I suddenly don't like music played too loud and I now consider teenagers obnoxious? Wasn't it just yesterday I was one? And how is it that when I see a kid with a cigarette, I suddenly want to ask them - does your mother know you smoke?' When did I grow up?



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