Yesterday's entry made me realize how much I've changed in the last few years. Some years back, I was going through self analyzation faze. I wanted to figure out what it was about me that I might need to change in order to be a better person and to have a happier life. I knew I need to consult someone who really knew me, but wouldn't be afraid to be honest with me. I decided to consult the one person that has not only seem me at my very best, but at my very worst and somehow, always loved me anyway. So, I went to my PC and sent him an instant message asking if he'd be willing to talk for a minute. He agreed, and I got straight to the point and asked him what my biggest flaw was. He didn't have to think about it. I saw on the bottom of the screen that he was typing a message and I tried to prepare myself for his answer. A million things went through my head - you're too sensitive, you're too sarcastic, you're too quick tempered, you're a drama queen (would he dare??)... I tried to be ready for any answer he could have and this is what he said - 'Your biggest flaw is also your greatest attribute: You truly believe there is good in everyone and as wonderful as that is, it's also very dangerous.' I was stunned by his answer. He knew me so well and leave it to him to point out my biggest flaw and still make me feel special. Touched by his answer and startled by how right he was - I sat for a moment to collect myself. I think he thought he hurt me with his answer and probably sat in dread for a moment before I said anything. Through my tears, I thanked him and we said our good-byes soon after.
These days, his answer would not reflect the person I am. These days, I'm a jaded cynic. I don't know when or how it's changed, but I know it's not who I am anymore. Maybe I've been hurt or disappointed one too many times. Maybe it's being exposed to the world and finally seeing it for what it really is. Maybe I've seen people lie and be disloyal to each other one too many times. I don't know what changed me, but I do know that what once defined me is no longer who I am. I wonder if he knew this if he'd be glad to see I've finally grown up or if he'd somehow, be disappointed by it. I guess the bigger question should be - If it's no longer who I am then what would the answer be today and was I better off before I became so jaded?
The other mother and I went into the school to meet with the teacher and the assistant head. We both let them know how upset we were that we were not informed that our children were sent to the office and how much we were against the children being allowed to play fighting games on the playground. I told them I wouldn't allow it at home and I'm really unhappy that it's being allowed at school. They admitted it was a problem and explained that they are planning to introduce a a scheme to teach the children to play in a safe way. They will be calling it 'Super Hero Training'. They plan to give out capes & masks out to children who behave well as rewards at playtime. They will have assemblies where they will teach the children to play fighting games without making contact. I find this to be absurd. The problem has gone on to long and I doubt they will be able to teach little children to change their games when they have sixty other childr...
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