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My big night out

It's 8:30 in the morning, I think I'm still partially drunk from last night and couldn't sleep. It was my big night out last night. My first night since moving to this country that I was invited out by people I met on my own and didn't know my husband.
Getting ready, I was really nervous. When I get nervous, my body temperature must rise at a dramatic rate, because I perspire and then become agitated (which just makes my nerves worse). Sorting through my cloths, I picked just the right outfit - Sexy, but not over the top (I'm usually an understated kind of girl) and began sorting through all of my shoes and thinking they were all horrible. I consulted Wayne and even he asked, 'don't you have any others?' Panicked, I went to the closet and pulled out my 4 inch stilettos that had been retired to the land of 'I'm to old for this shit' and put them on to see if I could still walk in them. I went to the mirror, saw they looked good with my jeans and figured I'd live and wore them despite how horribly uncomfortable they were...
We met some of the party at the gym. On our way there, I asked Wayne if it was horrible of me to be worried no-one would be there. He assured me they would be and they were. We shared a ride to the bar/club/restaurant where we were meeting the rest of the group (there were to be 20 in all). When we arrived, I instantly felt out of place and wanted to chicken out, but went in anyway. A group of girls I know that were already there, made me feel immediately at ease and I began to think it would end up being a really good time.
I soon realized that almost everyone was going to be having dinner there. No-one told me we were going out for dinner so Wayne and I already ate before we left and we stayed behind while most of the group went upstairs for their meal. I walked up to the remaining group to try and include myself (I knew most of them from the gym) and one of the girls who for some unknown reason was not happy with me, put her arm out in front of my chest and literary pushed me aside so she could talk to the person behind me. I swung my head around to look at Wayne to see if he caught what she'd done, he had and instead of getting in her face, Wayne and I laughed and sat aside from the group while waiting for the rest to come back from dinner.
It was fine for most of the night with it just being Wayne and I. We always have a good time together so I wasn't too fazed by feeling shunned by the remaining group. We sat and drank by ourselves cracking jokes and laughing on our own for a good few hours. I tried to interact with people a couple of times while going up for drinks, but for the most part they were happy on their own.
For a very brief time, I felt sorry for myself and began to tear up watching the group of friends and co-workers laugh and have a good time together. I wondered - Is this the way it's always going to feel? Will I always feel like I don't belong? Will it always feel like a club I just can't get into? The same girl who pushed me aside stumbled drunk toward the dance floor and I suddenly realized that maybe this club wasn't one I wanted to be in anyway.
Soon after, the rest of the group came back from dinner. We interacted with them and began to have a better time. We left and went to another pub where Dan (my trainer) was working as the DJ. He was just getting off for the night so Wayne and I sat and joked with him while the rest of the group happily sat together away from where we were. I decided it was a good time to leave and that's when Dan grabbed us to leave with him. He said he'd come with us to grab a taxi. A few blocks away, we met up with his girlfriend who'd been out with her friends, and headed for the taxi office.
We had more fun outside that taxi office laughing and joking with Dan and his GF, than we had all night with anyone else. We stood there for about an hour before we left (having to order another taxi because we forgot about the first one we ordered) and in the end, I went home happy. I realized I don't need to be accepted by a group. I just want to be around people that I know like me and enjoy my company. I realize now that I've been spending all this time wishing I had a friend when all along, I already had one in Dan.


Aniela said…
Hey dearie - am glad you at least got out with new people, even if you got to see sides of them that are not desirable - sorry I wasn't in touch last week -my mind was in a muddle with trying to get my license and car transfered over to CT... how sad that I am befuddled by something so simple!!! And am still planning on getting out - I did meet a few girls at H's rugby game last weekend, hopefully soon I will make a friend here :) Thinking of you guys, luv me and Rubes xx
Erren said…
Hey Aniela! Don't worry about it. It's not like I've called and you're not returning my calls. I'm just as bad.
I didn't ask you to make sure you got out - I asked you to think about it and I hope you give it a try. I know what you're going through. You'll be fine.
If not, you can always move back and get a place next door :-)

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