In case I go quiet...

Monday, September 18, 2006

I had an argument with my brother yesterday. I called to say hi and ended up getting an angry lecture on how much I've disappointed the family by moving to England. He said I 'fucked' the family by leaving. The only thing he repressed was how wrong I was for marrying a British man apposed to someone American (which he alluded to). He ended up hanging up on me. It was an unprovoked attack brought on by my saying no to his suggestion of going back to visit without my husband (anyone who knows me knows that a visit without Wayne would be like throwing myself to the wolves without any protection).
I've been quietly sick to my stomach since he hung up. I have so much I can say about it and how horribly disappointed I am by my family since I left and how let down I've always been by them. I know they all share in his sentiment - he's just the only one who has said it out loud (although my mother has come close). The thing is that he acts as if they have always been one of those families that rallies around you in your time of need and by leaving, I have somehow betrayed all they have done for me. This couldn't have been farther from the truth. They have never been there for me. I have always been left on my own in the hard times and it has always been my friends that have rallied around me to help in any way they could. I have had sisters in my friends Nicole & Anne and a brother in my friend Kenny. It has been them that have seen me through and acted as my family. It's been them that have supported me through this move that took more strength than I thought I had and it's now Wayne that has picked up where they left off. I resent the heartache that my family has given since I left (not to mention throughout my life) and it leaves me to wonder why it is I so badly want to go back.
I

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3 comments:

  1. Aniela said...:

    Hi dear - am so sorry to read this... that really, really stinks on your brother's part. I understand why you feel so upset and if you would like to talk, really feel very free to call... I was home today catching up on housework as this weekend was busy, and tomorrow am not doing too much outside of the house... thinking of you, Aniela

  1. $#!7head said...:

    It's their selfishness and jealousy that makes them treat someone like you as a liability or disappointment. You're likely the only one with any real strength or character to come out of that family.

  1. Erren said...:

    $#!7head,
    For someone with such an awful nickname, you sure know how to make a girl feel better :-)
    Thanks Sweetheart - it means a lot.
    Aniela,
    Hello my friend... I'll call you later this week. I'm all over the place lately and need to concentrate on my classes while Wayne's at work.
    Talk to you soon - Love to Rubes and H