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I can see clearly now

It’s funny what inspires – for me, more than anything, its music. I’ve had nothing to say for weeks (probably because I’ve had so much on my mind, it’s difficult to find the words to say what it is I’m going through), but I hear a song and suddenly I’m compelled to write…
I can see clearly now by Jonny Nash was just played on my NY radio station (they sure do play some cheesy music). From the first line of the song, I was struck by a memory that I had long forgotten. When I was 17, I met my first love (it feels like a lifetime ago and yet some things I can still remember like it was yesterday). We met in early summer and I was immediately swept off my feet by this larger than life, blue eyed boy that made you smile just being near him. Looking back, I think it’s what drew me to him. It wasn’t his charm (sure it helped), it wasn’t his looks (although he was easy on the eyes) – it was his presence. He had a way about him that just made you smile. He was always smiling and it was contagious. It made you happy just to be near him.
One rainy morning, we spent hours on the phone waiting for the rain to stop. I remember he woke me up with some wonderful words when I answered the phone and I thought it was the best way a girl could be woken up (ahh, youth). After hours of conversation, he said – I think the rain stopped. Hold on and I’ll check. I heard him put down the phone (it was the days before cordless phones!) and as he came back to pick it back up, he was singing loudly and beautifully – I can see clearly now the rain has gone… When hearing that song today, I could almost feel enthralment and youthful optimism you can only have the first time you fall in love.
Looking back to when Wayne and I first fell in love, I can’t help but feel sorry that it had to be so filled with fear (on both out parts) instead of the blissful experience you get with your first love. When you’ve been hurt, it’s so hard to just let yourself go and fall in love again (not that it stopped us). I remember being terrified when I realized my feelings for him and crying uncontrollably because the thought of letting it happen and being hurt again was almost too much to bear (hell, I still get scared sometimes). What courage it takes to take the leap (and what a leap it was). Luckily, it paid off, but I can’t help but be sorry it wasn’t a bit easier getting there.

Comments

Roy said…
Hey there! It's been awhile, I hope all is well with you. Reading your blog tells me that you are doing fine and you seem happy with Wayne. Good for you!! Many Yippee's!!
Anyway, as for the love not going as smoothly for you and Wayne as compared to your first love: thsoe early relationships are what set you up for the "true love" that you now enjoy. There are many types of love: First Love, forbidden love, artificial love, love of family and TRUE LOVE, and a few that I am sure to forget due to my fried brain cells. (I really enjoyed my teen years!!) I think that you have what most people envy, and I enjoy. And that is true love that will stand the test of time. I mean, can you see yourself and Wayne sitting on the porch at 70 looking back at the wonderful memories? If so, then you have it all.
Later.
Me

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