Back we'll go - I think

Monday, March 19, 2007

Last night I listened to Wayne tell his mother about our plans to try to move back to the States (I don't think Mother's day was the best day to break the news, but men don't always consider such things).  He explained that it was his idea - that when we went back to visit for Christmas he saw how unhappy I am here because there, I was the woman he fell in love with.  He saw me joke around with friends & family and saw the sense of humor that comes out only with him these days (probably not as often has it should) and he saw me get fired up at the wheel and saw a side of me he probably long forgot.   He realized that this place has changed me and it's time to go back.  He says I lost my fire, but while we were there, I was myself again and I guess he'd take fiery any day over quiet and reserved.  People who know me probably can't imagine such a thing, but it's true and even though it's probably not the best idea financially to go back, it's probably the best thing we can do for not only me, but our relationship.  Until he said it last night, I didn't know how much I've changed being here, but hearing him say that I'm not the person he met and fell in love with any more, sounds quite dangerous to me.  Our relationship hasn't been affected thus far, but in time it can happen.  Anyway, I like the fiery me better as well.
I am a social creature.  I enjoy being around people who know and love me.  I love laughing and joking and visits to each other's houses.  Here, I don't have that and it changes a person when you lose so much.  I couldn't have imagined after nearly 3 years it wouldn't have happened here, but it hasn't and I can only guess it will effect me even more once Wayne and I start a family.
So, it's back to the US we'll go.  Risks are really scary.  We'll be risking it all with no guarantees when we get there, but I think it's the right decision.  Maybe if I keep saying it - I'll start believing it...



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6 comments:

  1. Christi Lilly said...:

    Erren,
    I've been reading your blog for a while now and wanted to ask (mainly in response to an earlier entry entitled, "One of those days") what about your friend/trainer? Can't you call him when you need to talk to someone there? Sometimes what we need most is right under our nose.
    That aside I think your decision to move back is the right one. I commend you on your courage. I couldn't move to a foreign country. It takes guts and it's not like you gave up after 3 weeks and said it's too hard. let yourself off the hook. Three years is a long time. You gave it a shot. Moving back may be a risk, but no bigger of a risk than it was to go to England in the first place.
    Well I've said my peace. Sorry it took me so long to comment. I know how hard it is to blog when you don't get feedback to help push you along.
    A loyal reader,
    Christi Lilly

  1. Erren said...:

    Hi Christi,
    To answer your question - Dan is great. We meet 3 times a week for an hour or two at a time. In that time we have a good laugh or we talk to each other about what's on our minds (depending on the day). The thing is that we don't see each other out side the gym and not for nothing - he likes it a whole lot better when I'm 'fun Erren' - the guy's girl that will talk openly about sex and allow you to bring up the subject of porn without slapping you! :-) Last week we actually had a lengthy conversation about penis size and whether or no it really does matter to women! If I blogged about all the things Dan and I discuss - this would be a much more popular blog!
    The bottom line is that our relationship pretty much ends with our workouts. We have the occasional meal out (always accompanied by Wayne or his Girlfriend), but it's difficult for men and woman to be friends without complications arising - especially when you're both in serious relationships. If I thought his girlfriend was secure enough to deal with it I may persure it, but at the moment, Dan and I are not an a place where I call him when I need a shoulder...
    Thanks so much for reading, for the comment and for saying your peace!
    Erren

  1. Mike said...:

    And what was the verdict? Does size really matter? Do tell! Why does Dan get to have all the fun??

  1. Erren said...:

    Mike, I wise man once gave me the advise that I'll pass on to you now - You shouldn't ask questions you may not like the answer to ;-)
    Believe me, it's not Dan that gets to have all the fun.
    By the way Sweetie, you're gonna have to start putting Mike G because there's more than one of you and I had to look up your email address in my contact list to see which Mike you were...

  1. Two Crabs said...:

    I totally understand where you're coming from. My wife is the one who is having a grand time living in the UK, but I've been really missing home lately. It's been almost two years and I've never truly felt home in the UK. We're committed to three years but after that, who knows. Good luck with the move and your new life in the New World.

  1. Erren said...:

    Mr Crab,
    Thank you for the support - especially coming from a fellow expat. It's always nice to know others understand. You're not the first to tell me after years here it's never felt like home. I've had one tell me it's been 5 years and they still don't have someone they would call a friend (although I know you've been luckier in the social aspects).
    I also have a friend who lived here for about 2 years - she hated living here so much she didn't want her baby to be born in this country! She did give birth here, but went back soon after.
    But like your wife, some people have great experiences and never want to go back. Maybe it's just down to where you are and the people around you.
    I got some emails in the last couple of days from a really nice woman from the UK who is now living in the Southern US. She says she loves it there so much that she hasn't been back to England (but once) since 1995. She's been welcome there with open arms. It's nice to hear that maybe Wayne's experience will be different than mine has been out here.