Last weekend, Wayne and I ran into an old friend of ours. An old friend we don't speak to any more. I don't speak to him because he hurt me and Wayne doesn't speak to because he doesn't like anyone who makes me cry. He was the best of friends with Wayne long before me. He was actually friends with Wayne and his ex (that's how they met). When we ran into him - he was actually with Wayne's ex (although we didn't see her or even know she was there until much later - damnit, I'm dying to get a look at her!)
Anyway, running into him didn't exactly go well. After having no contact for nearly a year, he's been trying to get in touch with Wayne and Wayne has been avoiding his calls for weeks now. Apparently, he can't take a hint because he came over to talk to us regardless of Wayne's behavior. He tried desperately to make conversation with us over the loud music at the bar we were at, offered to buy us a drink and Wayne never even looked him in the face. Me on the other hand - I always feel bad and am not capable of being mean. I tried to be nice and apologised for Wayne, but he soon gave up and left us to it.
The next morning, he called me (knowing Wayne would be sleeping in). We talked for a long time. He tried to start with small talk, but I just cut straight to it and asked him what exactly he wanted. He stumbled over his words and tip-toed around the question - never really answering me. We tried to talk things through, but in the end I'm not sure we accomplished much. We left it with him telling me to talk it over with Wayne and get back to him (knowing full well that Wayne and I are a package deal).
When we hung up, the only thing Wayne had to say was 'I don't see the point - You're always going to care too much and he's always going to lie to you' It's inevitable that you'll only get hurt again. I don't see the point.' I know he's probably right, but I still feel so bad. he's the only friend I've had in this country and although he did hurt me - I feel compelled to give him a chance. Wayne on the other hand, has no intentions of doing so and I have no idea what it is I'm supposed to tell our old friend. I can't tell him the truth because regardless of how much he's hurt me - I just can't bring myself to tell him what his ex-best friend really thinks of him. I just can't break his heart that way. So far, I've done nothing and I'm plagued with guilt.
I don't know what to do. People always deserve second chances don't they? I've always been told that my heart is too big for my own good. Maybe it's true. Maybe I just need to learn not to expect so much out of people that way - I don't end up disappointed. Maybe I should stop giving people the opportunity to hurt my feelings and learn when to say when.