After a long few months, it's time for Wayne and I to start trying for a baby again. To be honest, I've been tentative about this time coming. A few weeks ago, I was thinking that I didn't think I'd want to try again right away. My thinking was that when we do try again I'd have to be prepared for the possibility of another miscarriage. I'm 35 and would be lying if I said I wasn't worried that there could be something wrong with me that would cause me to not be able to sustain a pregnancy. The doctors here don't do tests until it's happened 3 times. My biggest fear is that I may have missed my chance. I know my worries may be superfluous, but it's still a possibility that I have to recognise and it's really not something I can say I'd be prepared for no matter how much time I tried to allow myself.
So now that the time has come, I can't help but want to try again right away. Wayne was keen to dismiss the doctors advise on waiting at all so there was no question for him on whether or not to give it more time. I'm nervous, anxious and hopeful all at the same time and I wish I could fast forward through the month and take a test to see if we will conceive as easily as we did before.
We've decided to take a romantic break to London this weekend. I love London. I find it to be an absolutely magical place and when I'm there, I still find it surreal that this girl from Jersey is walking the streets of London. We're staying in a really nice hotel, going to dinner and a show that I'm thrilled to have gotten tickets for. We only seem to go to London for special occasions and this is indefinitely such an occasion. I'm looking really forward to it.
It's been a while since I blogged regularly. I guess I've been going by the rule - if you don't have anything nice to say - don't say anything at all. I hate 'woe is me' type entries and for the last month or so, I've been really down and haven't had anything good to say. I think it started with the news that Aniela (my fellow expat girlfriend) was moving back to the US and was exacerbated by the incident with Wayne's cousin and the flare up of my condition (along with a general feeling of homesickness & loneliness). I was really depressed for quite a few weeks there and haven't been doing much more than going to the gym and other random things to keep me busy during the day. I haven't even worked on my web classes (in any serious way) in weeks (probably because I can't concentrate when I'm in pain - never mind get very motivated). I'm not so down anymore. Maybe it's the sunshine. Maybe it's the fact that I'...
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