After a long few months, it's time for Wayne and I to start trying for a baby again. To be honest, I've been tentative about this time coming. A few weeks ago, I was thinking that I didn't think I'd want to try again right away. My thinking was that when we do try again I'd have to be prepared for the possibility of another miscarriage. I'm 35 and would be lying if I said I wasn't worried that there could be something wrong with me that would cause me to not be able to sustain a pregnancy. The doctors here don't do tests until it's happened 3 times. My biggest fear is that I may have missed my chance. I know my worries may be superfluous, but it's still a possibility that I have to recognise and it's really not something I can say I'd be prepared for no matter how much time I tried to allow myself.
So now that the time has come, I can't help but want to try again right away. Wayne was keen to dismiss the doctors advise on waiting at all so there was no question for him on whether or not to give it more time. I'm nervous, anxious and hopeful all at the same time and I wish I could fast forward through the month and take a test to see if we will conceive as easily as we did before.
We've decided to take a romantic break to London this weekend. I love London. I find it to be an absolutely magical place and when I'm there, I still find it surreal that this girl from Jersey is walking the streets of London. We're staying in a really nice hotel, going to dinner and a show that I'm thrilled to have gotten tickets for. We only seem to go to London for special occasions and this is indefinitely such an occasion. I'm looking really forward to it.
I quit smoking when I moved to the UK, mainly because I promised my husband I would. I did it for him, but not because I wanted to. I enjoyed smoking. I missed it, but quit successfully for many years until I went through a stressful time and started again. My relapse lasted over a year. The whole time, I was ashamed of myself. I hated the smell. I hated how I felt, I hated the health risks and I hated my lack of willpower. I've known a few people who have tried e-cigarettes. I was a skeptic. I thought it was going from one habit to another. The people I knew that tried it, always had it and were constantly sucking on it. It seemed to me they were more addicted to it then they were cigarettes. I don't know any smokers that constantly had a cigarette in their hand. Then in January, I saw a piece about it on the BBC News. I watched with interest thinking they were going to say that they have found it to be harmful. What they said was quite the o
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