It finally hit me

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

It finally happened last night - I finally had the retaliation of that fact that I'm going to have a baby.  I've been through so much from the start of this pregnancy that I think I just wouldn't allow myself to feel too much - probably as a way to stay strong through it all.  I haven't been able to really get in touch with my emotions and I've been wondering if it would ever happen.  Last night it happened and boy did it happen.  Out of nowhere while watching TV, I started to cry.  I went over to my husband, sat on his lap and just started blabbering through my tears saying things like - We're going to have a baby! and I've waited my whole life for this!  My goodness did the tears flow!  It was 4 months worth of emotion coming out all at once.  Maybe it was hearing the heart beat again or getting a glimpse of the baby during the ultrasound or finding out that everything really was okay (again).  I don't know what triggered it, but it finally came and I'm so glad it did.
We went back for the ultrasound yesterday, but the technician was not a very nice woman and didn't really let me see the baby (never mind find out the sex).  She rolled passed quickly and went straight to the area I was there to get scanned.  I asked while I was there if I could get a peek, but she said no she didn't have time.  She said, 'I showed you it was moving and the heartbeat was there - the kid is fine'.  I really didn't see any of what she said - it just happened too fast and I was really disappointed.  It wasn't very womanly of her to deny me a good look, but at least I know 'the kid is fine!'
Anyway, I'm feeling a lot better today.  Hopefully, that will be the last my health problems and things will go a bit more smoothly from now on.



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