It's 4AM and I can't sleep. I slept for a little while, but got up for one of my many bathroom trips of the night, and couldn't get back to sleep.
The baby is due in just over 10 weeks. I feel huge and assume I am because I've been asked on more than one occasion if I'm having twins. I met a woman recently that wasn't much bigger than me. She asked when I was due and I told her I wasn't due until May and asked her - how about you? She replied with '2 weeks'! She was due in 2 weeks and wasn't far off from my size. I was so embarrassed (even after she assured me she was 'carrying small'). I've gained 25lbs so far (which isn't that bad considering I was on bed rest for a month after having surgery during the 1st trimester). I took a good look in the mirror today and I'm mainly belly. Sure, I sometimes feel like I'm beginning to resemble Jabba The Hut, but the extra weight isn't really that hard to deal with. That being said, I hope I don't get too much bigger or I worry I may not be able to stand upright!
I'm excited to finally be into the 3rd trimester. I really can't wait to meet our little boy. I'm a bit scared about the birth, but more excited than anything else. Sometimes it still feels so surreal. I can't believe I'm going to be a mother. It's such an amazing feeling and I feel so blessed to be starting a family with a man I truly adore. I wish I could put into words how wonderful it feels. I only wish I was going to be around my family and friends when the time comes so I can share it with them as well, but life isn't always perfect and I have to be grateful for all I have. Happiness takes compromise and I'm learning that you can't have everything. Like I said before - I feel blessed to have the life I have here with Wayne and I'm looking so forward to this new phase of our life to start.
I quit smoking when I moved to the UK, mainly because I promised my husband I would. I did it for him, but not because I wanted to. I enjoyed smoking. I missed it, but quit successfully for many years until I went through a stressful time and started again. My relapse lasted over a year. The whole time, I was ashamed of myself. I hated the smell. I hated how I felt, I hated the health risks and I hated my lack of willpower. I've known a few people who have tried e-cigarettes. I was a skeptic. I thought it was going from one habit to another. The people I knew that tried it, always had it and were constantly sucking on it. It seemed to me they were more addicted to it then they were cigarettes. I don't know any smokers that constantly had a cigarette in their hand. Then in January, I saw a piece about it on the BBC News. I watched with interest thinking they were going to say that they have found it to be harmful. What they said was quite the o
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