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You have to be in it to win it

As I posted a few months back, my husband got very ill with complications of a bust appendix back in November.  He was home recovering and unable to work  for two months.  During that time, (needless to say) I was very distracted and didn't really stay on top of much else than my husband and son. In January, when the smoke cleared, I was sorting through my neglected email inbox and came across my lottery reminder. I followed the link to replay my numbers (the same numbers I played for the last two years until Wayne got sick). I clicked 'play numbers again' and bought my euro-millions ticket for the following 4 weeks. On the UK National Lottery website, you can't renew your Euro-Millions ticket automatically like you can with the UK Lottery. You have to go to the site and renew your tickets manually. While I was there, I thought, I haven't played my numbers in a couple of months - let me just check them and see if they came up...
This happened on January 3rd -  on January 1st, my numbers came up. The jackpot was £25 Million (with no other winners). The same numbers I played for 2 years came up 2 days before. I missed 25 million pounds (tax free in the UK) by 2 days!! I couldn't believe my eyes. It took a minute to register what I was looking at and when I finally realized it, I had enough time to blurt it out to my husband before I broke down sobbing. Now when I say sobbing, I mean SOBBING as if someone had died. On the screen in front of me, I saw all my dreams disappear. I mean we all say, if I ever win the lottery... or if my numbers ever came up... well, my numbers did come up and I missed them by 2 lousy days. The chances of ever winning the lottery are very slim, but the chances of winning the lottery twice - I'd say are slim to none.
I cried for days after that. Not continuously, but randomly when it hit me again and again. My husband wasn't even back to work yet when this happened and we were quickly running through our savings. All the money we had saved to move back to the US, was gone and we were back to square one (Well, square zero since some of our bills were also falling behind).  All I thought was that all of our troubles could have been over. A house in each country and everyone is happy. £25 million pounds happy. I still feel deflated as I write this. I can't tell you what a blow it was for me.
A few weeks later, another UK couple won. They were all over the news. Every time I saw them, I felt sick all over again. Wayne put their interview on when it was on TV and as I listened to them tell their story, I left the room in tears again.
It's been nearly 5 months now and although I've come to terms with it, I still can't get over it. Do I still play the lottery? Yes, but I've changed my numbers. Hey, ya never know...

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