A bit of whining...

Friday, January 7, 2011
God, I'm tired. I feel like my head is in a vice. I just can't sleep lately. I get like this when I am so isolated and bored. I think it's called cabin fever. I haven't left the house in 10 days (due to potty training more than anything else - not that I have anywhere to go). It's bitterly cold and rainy outside so a walk is definitely out of the question (not that I have the energy for it). Sometimes I feel like besides my little family, there's no-one else in the world.
I hate the weather in this country in the winter. It starts in November - it get's gray and you don't see the sun again until about April. It's f#cking depressing.
I was lucky enough to spend the month of November in NJ this year and although it was cold, I got to see the sun for a few more weeks than I normally do. What I wouldn't do for a sunny vacation where we could just sit on the beach...
I hate to complain. No-body likes a whiner. Although, I just started reading 'Eat, Pray, Love' and it looks like A LOT of people like a whiner because for the first part of the book, it's all she seemed to do. I gave up on it because she was bringing me even more down than I've been feeling. Maybe I would of liked it in another time in my life, but right now, I founding it annoying and not worth my money.
My son is at Nursery school today. Having been trapped with him for the last 10 days of potty training - I needed some quiet time. He is in a clingy stage and is suffering with separation anxiety. We're both suffering. As much as I adore my little man, I am not enjoying the utter panic every time I leave his side. He screamed his head off when I dropped him off at school and it broke my heart. I felt guilty for needing this time and the relief I felt when I walked into my house to have a few hours alone, but it had to be done.
I am enjoying the near silence. All I hear right now is the sound of my keys as I type and the purring of my cat that's snuggled up next to me. It's my quiet cat, Luca. He's a nervous cat that jumps at every noise and with a toddler in the house, he doesn't get to sit with me very often. His brother is a loud mouth that never leaves me alone, but right now he must be outside puddle jumping or something. I'm grateful for the time with Luca who hasn't stopped purring in 30 mins so he must be grateful too. I know this won't last though because any minute now, the other cat will be walking around meowing at the top of his lungs demanding my attention and sending his nervous brother to sleep by himself somewhere. As much as I want to get another coffee, I dare not move because the activity may draw the attention of my vociferous cat and my quiet morning will be over.
I guess I can get my coffee now because as predicted, Alfie just came in yelling at me for something (well meowing that sounds a lot like yelling) - I knew it wouldn't last...

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