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A terrible habit...

I have a terrible habit of deciding I am going to start blogging on a regular basis only to get depressed and stop altogether. I've been terribly down since my visit home. My son gets the best of me and once he goes to bed or school, I keep to myself and don't really do much of anything but read.
I've read over 10 books in 2 months and that's with taking 2 weeks to list everything that wasn't tied down on ebay to help raise some extra money (to make up for my husband's business' slow season). The good news is we've raised £500.00 so far on stuff that was just lying around the house. I got over £300 for just my old 35mm camera equipment (which hurt to sell, but in my heart I knew it wouldn't be used again in this digital age).
I think the big drop in my mood was going to meet the American girl I recently met. I had high hopes that somehow we'd become fast friends and partners in crime. That surly didn't happen. During our first meet-up I quickly realized we were nothing alike (aside from being American)and our friendship was not going to happen. It was hard work making conversation and was no different than meeting with some random English girl. We didn't laugh even once and I left feeling deflated and defective. I used to make friends so easily...
One positive is that I have come very close to my goal of being a size 4 (8UK) again! This pic was taken in Nov during my trip home when I was a size 8. I am now a size 6 (the same size I was in high school only spread out a bit differently). In my late 20s I went down to a size 4 and since that was what I was when my husband and I met, it's my goal now. I have lost a whopping 60lbs since Ethan was born and I finally look like me again. When I'm feeling really down and Ethan's at nursery school, I cheer myself up by going to various clothing stores and trying on size 6 outfits with no intentions of buying anything - just happy to be fitting in to them. My goal weight box of cloths is now hanging in my closet and being worn (with the exception of a couple of size 4 &5 pairs of jeans).
I've lost 15 lbs since I got back from NJ (this pic was taken last week), but the last few weeks I just can't stick to a diet. I've gone from depression fasting to comfort eating (working out just to keep from gaining). I know when I'm ready, I'll go back to the diet and lose my last 10 lbs.
Other than that, I have nothing to report (is it any wonder I haven't been blogging?). I'm a stay at home mom with one friend and no babysitter so I have almost no social life and my husband and I don't ever get to go out. What is there to say??

Comments

Tara said…
Hi Erren,

Just wanted to commiserate and say I know exactly what you mean about the weather, not having energy and being isolated. It's really tough! I'm in a similar boat--moved here about 8 months ago after marrying a Brit. (There are lots of us American girls who married British men--would be interesting to compare notes!)

I don't have children but haven't found work yet, and we're a ways from London in a sort of rough town. My husband is such a gem but the day to day is not much fun!

I know what you mean about the weather too--I'm really struggling with it, and I often fantasize about moving back to the US where I can at least see the sun.

My blog is Bright Purple Rain Boots if you want to read about someone else going through it. :)
Erren said…
Hi Tara,
I am so sorry it's been so long. I haven't blogged in so long and never saw this post. Feel free to email me at Erren72@hotmail.com any time.
Erren

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