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Motherhood Under Duress

Being a mother of a small child during a trying time is difficult, but being a mother of a small child that's sick during a trying time is even harder. I am not myself. I try to put on a happy face and make things normal for him. I've comforted him and tried to keep him entertained while confined to the house, but after 7 days, my patience and energy are wearing thin.
He's over the worst of it. It's been 2 days (rainy days) since he's had a fever and his energy levels are back up. Which is good for recovery, but not so easy for me. He's bored and demanding and I can't entertain him the way he needs me to. I'm distracted and moody and go back and forth over feeling guilty over it and wanting to run away.
Earlier, I gave him a hard time over something small and walked away in a huff. It's not his fault I'm exhausted and miserable. I went outside to have a cigarette and listened to him play on his own upstairs. I felt awful about it. I went back upstairs picked him up and kissed, ticked and hugged him and took a moment to enjoy his giggles. I apologized for Mommy's mood. I told him I haven't been feeling very well, but he makes me happier than anything else in the world. We had some quiet time together until my friend came to the rescue with her 3 year old to play with him and keep him busy so I could have some much needed adult conversation.
They are gone now and Ethan seems some-what satisfied by his time with his little friend. Admittedly, I am counting the hours to bedtime and hoping my short visit with my friend was enough to keep my mood up until then. He's well enough to go back to nursery school tomorrow and I will have 4 hours to escape, get out and try to clear my head.

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