Semi-happily Ever After?

Sunday, June 5, 2011
I read an article in 'The Times' today that just annoyed the hell out of me. The title read - 'Modern Love - Are you living a semi-happily ever after?' The article mainly talked about a book called 'Marriage Confidential' of which the author explores modern marriage and it's lack of romance, fidelity and fulfillment. As bleak as that sounds, I can't comment too much because I haven't read her book. I may buy it though or maybe not because I hate when marriage is made out to be grim. That being said, I don't know many happily married couples.
On the same page of this article, there was another small piece that read, 'You know you're in a post-romantic marriage when...' This is the one that bothered me most:
You make small talk - Just like on your first date only different. The big things have already been addressed, your vows of undying love are over and have been swapped for gossip about kids, kitchen utensils and garbage collection.
Has this person ever been in a long term relationship?? Are they a parent?? My God, I find it irritating. Not that this describes my marriage, but after years together, EVERY SINGLE couple will move away from the honeymoon stage of a relationship. When you see each other every day and you spend most of your time together caring for your children, talking bout your children (in my opinion) does NOT qualify as small talk. Nor does it make you less in love. Also, in a marriage sometimes you have to discuss things like kitchen utensils (just this morning I discussed with my husband that we need a new food processor) and garbage collection. You do live together after all and nobody wants to miss the garbage being picked up. Just because you've shared the big stuff years ago and a lot of your conversation isn't of an intimate nature, doesn't mean the romance is dead or you never discuss meaningful things.
A majority of what was listed as signs of an post-romantic marriage were pretty obvious signs (ie - celebrating your anniversary with friends instead of alone or going on vacation with your best friend instead of your spouse), but some were also unrealistic and unfair to categorize as 'post-romantic'. Like not having your heart race over their Facebook profile (Christ, half the time I'm on FB, my husband is sitting right next to me) or scheduling sex. I'm sorry, but when you have a child, you can't very well rip each others cloths off in the middle of the day and screw on the kitchen table! I'm not saying couples should make entries in their daily calendar, but it can't possibly be as spontaneous as it used to be. It's just life as a family.

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