Skip to main content

What a week (and it's only Wednesday)!

Over the weekend, an old friend contacted me and asked if she could come and stay with us. She had a baby 7 weeks ago and eluded to having problems with her husband. We haven't seen each other in years. We had a falling out over the man she is now married to because I thought he was bad news. At the time, she was only twenty and didn't want to hear what I was telling her so she put an end to our friendship and didn't speak to me again until a few months ago.
When she asked to stay, I had a feeling it was down to abuse (due to cryptic text messages and the fact she couldn't actually speak to me over the phone). With that in mind, I asked her not to tell him where she would be staying until after we spoke, but it was too late. She was on her way and he was driving her.
When they arrived, I could feel the tension. He stayed briefly and when he left she crumbled and cried. I hugged her and told her we'd talk when my son was in bed, but what ever it was it would be OK.
Later that night, she confirmed my suspicions. She is in an abusive relationship and trying to get out. He is in the Army and has been to Afghanistan. She believes what ever he went through has made his temper worse and since the baby, things have escalated. We talked deep into the night (while I drank wine and chain smoked through our discussions). I have experience with this sort of thing and was forced to face demons I was in no way prepared to face.
She considered not going back, but admitted he has a fire arm in the house and with him knowing where she was thought it wouldn't be safe for any of us. I have to admit that my reaction to this information was a strong one. I yelled at her and said, 'How can you bring this into my house?? You are not the only one with a family here!' She crumbled and cried again. I hugged her and apologized and then I went into survival mode to come up with a plan.
My plan was instant. I told her to call him and tell him that she talked to me about their problems and she felt 100% better. She did. She told him I made her realize that it was hormones that made her over emotional and behave badly. She told him that I helped her see that all that's important is their love for each other and their new family. This completely defused the situation. He felt secure and happy (which was my plan all along) and let her stay a few extra days instead of making her go back the following day.
During the last few days we called hotlines for victims of domestic violence and got advice on how to get her out and what she could do to get assistance. The plan is that she keeps him happy while she's there and makes her plans to leave. She says all the right things (which I tried coaching her on) to never let things escalate into an argument. In the meantime, she will tell him that I've moved and a few weeks later tell him that her and I had a falling out so he never comes here looking for her when she does get out. We got her a phone he won't know about and arranged for her to get a separate bank account and a loan for a deposit and first month's rent on a new place. It will take a couple of months, but a plan has been made.
Today, he came a day early to pick her up and I had to let her go and just watch her and her precious baby leave. She's so young and I feel like I threw her to the wolves. I'm a wreck. Between what's happening with her and facing the demons from my past, I have gotten very little sleep, have been plagued with nightmares and have managed to eat very little in days. Until she's out and safe, I doubt very much I'll be able to relax or even breathe normally.

Comments

Missy said…
You have done the best you can with a very difficult situation. It says a lot about you that she knew she could come to you after so long. She is lucky to have you. Stay strong xo

Popular posts from this blog

Fight Club for Five Year Olds - Part 2

The other mother and I went into the school to meet with the teacher and the assistant head.  We both let them know how upset we were that we were not informed that our children were sent to the office and how much we were against the children being allowed to play fighting games on the playground.  I told them I wouldn't allow it at home and I'm really unhappy that it's being allowed at school.  They admitted it was a problem and explained that they are planning to introduce a a scheme to teach the children to play in a safe way.  They will be calling it 'Super Hero Training'.  They plan to give out capes & masks out to children who behave well as rewards at playtime.  They will have assemblies where they will teach the children to play fighting games without making contact.  I find this to be absurd.  The problem has gone on to long and I doubt they will be able to teach little children to change their games when they have sixty other children to look after o…

Feeling the rain

After I worked out today, I went into the kitchen for a bottle of water and saw the pouring rain out my patio door.  There are few times I can think of wanting to feel the rain more. Without a thought, I went out and stood in the rain.  English rain is cold, but today it felt incredible.  I live in a very public place, but in that kind of weather there was wasn't a soul in sight.  I thought about twirling, but the grown up in me squashed the notion. What I did do though was close my eyes and raise my chin toward the sky to let the rain fall on my face.  In my mind I slowed it all down and took it in.  I swear in those few moments I felt every drop. I've always loved the rain.  I  love the sound of it and like to open the windows and listen to it while drifting off to sleep on stormy nights.  Even as a child I would love to go out and play in. When I got older, I found it sensual and and dreamed of romantic moments that would play out under dark clouds, surrounded by grey tone…

Scary stuff

A few weeks ago, I found a lump in my breast.  I was in the shower.  I thought I felt something, but my first reaction was to not let my mind go there so I quickly moved on.  A few minutes later, I checked again and confirmed it was indeed a lump.  I finished my shower (and my day) trying not to think too much about it.  That night I asked my husband to see what he thought.  We went to the doctor the very next morning.
In short, the doctor referred me to a specialist and told me I'd get an appointment in the mail.  About a week later, I saw the specialist who referred me for more tests.  I had a mammogram on Monday and today I have an ultrasound.  Scary stuff right?
Because we never know when the appointments are going to be, my husband can't plan for it and arrange to be with me.  I've had to see the specialist and have the tests on my own.  This is one of the worst things about living in a foreign country - when my husband can't be there, I am left with no-one else …