Skip to main content

A letter to someone I used to know

I dreamed of you last night.  You called me.  I answered the phone and you said, 'Chief?'
Hearing your voice after all of these years, my heart caught in my throat and all I could say was 'What's wrong? '  knowing something would have to be.
You said you needed me.
I asked, 'Can you come? You know I can't'
'I know. Yes, I can come'
I told you, 'I can't pick you up.  It's too weird.  Too much like before.'
'I know'
'You'll have to meet him.  Maybe even both of them.'
'I know'
'It will be okay. He knows me.  He knows he can trust me.  He'll understand.'
'Ok.  Thank you.'
'You know you don't have to thank me. I love you.'
'I know.'
Even in my dreams you don't say much.  After that, the dream cut to you at my door.  In the dream, I was prepared for that moment, but I know that this would never be the case.  We went out on my deck  over looking the harbor.  Like when we sat in my back yard after Jeff died.  Do you remember that?  In the dream, we talked for what seemed like a long time, but I don't remember about what.  You wouldn't tell me what was wrong. Probably because even in my dreams I can't know about your life as it is now.  You promised it wasn't your health and I was relieved to hear it and didn't pry. I don't remember what happened after that.  The next thing I remember, I woke up.
When I woke up I knew this dream was far from reality.  I know you would never call me or need me or see me, but I'll tell you it was a lovely dream.  I mean I'd never want anything to be so wrong, but in the dream I knew for sure that for you, it was the same as it was for me.  We still did what we did, it was still the wrong time - wrong place and we both lived a lifetime since, but we would always be us.  Nothing and nobody could change that even though we both have moved on - happy endings and all - We were still us in the purest form.  Do you know what I mean?  In my heart of hearts, we are still us because I always kept you with me.  In my mind, you were there to give me strength and cheer me on to help get me through long after you were a part of my life.  I guess it was easy because I was used to you not being there.  Let's face it, you were never there for long, but it didn't change what we were to each other. I know it's different for you. Because I kept you with me, I was gone from your life long before you left mine. For me, you stayed with me to look after me until someone else could.
Thank you for all you've done for me.  If not for you, I wouldn't have all I have now. Thank you for teaching me so much.  I hate that I'll never see you again.  I wish it could be different. I hope you're happy.
Love, Erren

Comments

Mindy said…
This is a beautiful letter. Did you send it?
Mindy said…
By the way, I love the new pics. You never age! I hate you :)

Popular posts from this blog

Top 20 Lists

Recently, a magazine here in the UK issued their list of their Top 100 women in show business. This sparked conversation between Wayne and I and one rainy weekend when we had nothing to do, we compiled our own Top 20 lists. The rules were we had to judge on looks alone (not their physique) and only one token model was allowed.
For fun, I thought I'd add our lists here for you to view and enjoy. Maybe it will even spark conversation between you and a friend or loved one.
Wayne and I actually had a really good time creating our lists together - judging each other's taste in the opposite sex and laughing over how long it took for us to prioritize our selections. We still change the order every time we look at it! (although our top five have remained the same)
Enjoy and feel free to comment!

Fight Club for Five Year Olds - Part 2

The other mother and I went into the school to meet with the teacher and the assistant head.  We both let them know how upset we were that we were not informed that our children were sent to the office and how much we were against the children being allowed to play fighting games on the playground.  I told them I wouldn't allow it at home and I'm really unhappy that it's being allowed at school.  They admitted it was a problem and explained that they are planning to introduce a a scheme to teach the children to play in a safe way.  They will be calling it 'Super Hero Training'.  They plan to give out capes & masks out to children who behave well as rewards at playtime.  They will have assemblies where they will teach the children to play fighting games without making contact.  I find this to be absurd.  The problem has gone on to long and I doubt they will be able to teach little children to change their games when they have sixty other children to look after o…

Kicked the habit with an e-cigarette

I quit smoking when I moved to the UK, mainly because I promised my husband I would.  I did it for him, but not because I wanted to.  I enjoyed smoking.  I missed it, but quit successfully for many years until I went through a stressful time and started again.  My relapse lasted over a year.  The whole time, I was ashamed of myself.  I hated the smell.  I hated how I felt, I hated the health risks and I hated my lack of willpower.
     I've known a few people who have tried e-cigarettes.  I was a skeptic.  I thought it was going from one habit to another.  The people I knew that tried it, always had it and were constantly sucking on it.  It seemed to me they were more addicted to it then they were cigarettes.  I don't know any smokers that constantly had a cigarette in their hand.
     Then in January, I saw a piece about it on the BBC News.  I watched with interest thinking they were going to say that they have found it to be harmful.  What they said was quite the opposite.…