I got the idea for this blog while reading a post on a blog called Life
With Levi where a heated discussion on Facebook caused a tongue in cheek
debate with another Mom about who
the worst Mom was.
Every Mom is their own worst critic (well sometimes it's your mom or your mother in-law). We all want to be the perfect Mom. We want to do everything right so our children grow up happy, well adjusted and good, but nobody is perfect. Here is my Crappy Mom List...
10) Sometimes when my son wakes up in the middle of the night and calls me into his room, I take my pillow and snuggle up with him for the rest of the night so I don't have to stay up and try to get him to go back to sleep on his own. The reason for this is because I just want to go back to sleep, don't want to be woken up multiple times and I like to snuggle up with him occasionally.
9) I don't give him any independence - I am a worrier and I'm not capable of letting him learn by getting hurt. I am not the kind of person that can watch from a distance when he climbs a tree. I have to be standing under the tree. I won't let him leave my sight for a second when we're out, I only just stopped going in with him into soft-play areas, I don't let him go into a men's room to use the bathroom on his own and make him come in the ladies room with me. I don't allow him to go on play dates without me and don't have a babysitter because we don't have family around and I trust no-one. I lock the doors when I take a shower so he can't go outside and won't open the door to strangers. I've actually told him never to answer the door without me because it could be the big bad wolf!
8) Very often, I make him a separate meal because he's a finicky eater and I want him to eat and can't let him go hungry.
7) I'm mean and don't let him eat junk food. My son is allowed two very small junk food type items a day. I don't eat it so why should he? He just asked for potato chips for his school lunch because everyone else has them and I ended up buying the low fat kind because it felt better to do. My husband just allowed him chocolate breakfast cereal and I told my son so many times that it was unhealthy that he stopped eating it.
6) I shout too much. My son has the attention span of a gnat. He seems to completely ignore me and makes me feel like he doesn’t listen to a word I say. I'm not patient enough and have days where I feel like I never stop shouting at him.
5) He's not afraid of me - My husband and I have chose to be parents that don't hit and because he's not afraid of us, he sometimes has the upper hand because he knows the worst punishment isn't so bad.
4) I occasionally make empty threats. Not always but often enough, I will say things like, 'If you do that one more time, we are leaving!' even though I have every intention to finish my shopping, eat the meal I've ordered or I just paid a lot of money to get into a place and want my money's worth. That being said, I have walked out of places because I said I would. This leaves my son with a 50/50 chance that he can behave badly and not get punished for it.
3) I never taught him to wipe his own behind. I have a problem with germs and think that 4 years old is too young to learn to be mindful about where the poop winds up! He also gets a rash if it's not wiped well enough that sometimes cracks and bleeds and so it needs to be done thoroughly. I didn't know they wouldn't offer assistance at school and now my son has to learn fast how to do it on his own without me to help him!
2) I don't force affection. If my son's grandparents or anyone else asks for a hug or kiss goodbye and he won't do it, I never force him to. I think a child's affection should be a natural thing and I can't be the person who stands there sternly and forces a kid to hug or kiss someone he just doesn't want to.
And the #1 reason I am a crappy Mom is...
1) I still have a monitor in his room. He's 4 and I still have a baby monitor in his room. He sleeps on the top floor of a 3 story house and I like to be able to hear him if he needs me. I have a monitor I carry around with me after he's gone to bed. I haven't stopped because A) I'm neurotic and B) he's never felt the need to leave his bed at night so I've never been woken up by a small child starring at me and Mommy and Daddy have never had our playtime interrupted.
The truth of the matter is that I know I am not actually a crappy mom, but I know there are things I do as a mom that a lot of other people would not agree with. There are a lot more things I do that are not on that list that people don't agree with like the fact that I coddle him. I don't like to see him cry and more times than not, I hug him and talk to him about what he's upset about. I spoil him too. He's not surrounded by family and friends because we live so far from them and he has no siblings, so I over compensate and he wants for nothing. I tell him I love him a million times a day, give 100s of hugs and kisses and always apologise if I've upset him or hurt his feelings (just because I'm his mother doesn't mean his feelings don't matter). I'm the best mom I can be. My son is loved and well taken care of. Nobody is perfect and I'm far from it, but I have a great kid who is sweet, kind, well behaved and happy. Every time I think I may not being doing a good job at parenting, he lets me know in some small way that I am.
Every Mom is their own worst critic (well sometimes it's your mom or your mother in-law). We all want to be the perfect Mom. We want to do everything right so our children grow up happy, well adjusted and good, but nobody is perfect. Here is my Crappy Mom List...
10) Sometimes when my son wakes up in the middle of the night and calls me into his room, I take my pillow and snuggle up with him for the rest of the night so I don't have to stay up and try to get him to go back to sleep on his own. The reason for this is because I just want to go back to sleep, don't want to be woken up multiple times and I like to snuggle up with him occasionally.
9) I don't give him any independence - I am a worrier and I'm not capable of letting him learn by getting hurt. I am not the kind of person that can watch from a distance when he climbs a tree. I have to be standing under the tree. I won't let him leave my sight for a second when we're out, I only just stopped going in with him into soft-play areas, I don't let him go into a men's room to use the bathroom on his own and make him come in the ladies room with me. I don't allow him to go on play dates without me and don't have a babysitter because we don't have family around and I trust no-one. I lock the doors when I take a shower so he can't go outside and won't open the door to strangers. I've actually told him never to answer the door without me because it could be the big bad wolf!
8) Very often, I make him a separate meal because he's a finicky eater and I want him to eat and can't let him go hungry.
7) I'm mean and don't let him eat junk food. My son is allowed two very small junk food type items a day. I don't eat it so why should he? He just asked for potato chips for his school lunch because everyone else has them and I ended up buying the low fat kind because it felt better to do. My husband just allowed him chocolate breakfast cereal and I told my son so many times that it was unhealthy that he stopped eating it.
6) I shout too much. My son has the attention span of a gnat. He seems to completely ignore me and makes me feel like he doesn’t listen to a word I say. I'm not patient enough and have days where I feel like I never stop shouting at him.
5) He's not afraid of me - My husband and I have chose to be parents that don't hit and because he's not afraid of us, he sometimes has the upper hand because he knows the worst punishment isn't so bad.
4) I occasionally make empty threats. Not always but often enough, I will say things like, 'If you do that one more time, we are leaving!' even though I have every intention to finish my shopping, eat the meal I've ordered or I just paid a lot of money to get into a place and want my money's worth. That being said, I have walked out of places because I said I would. This leaves my son with a 50/50 chance that he can behave badly and not get punished for it.
3) I never taught him to wipe his own behind. I have a problem with germs and think that 4 years old is too young to learn to be mindful about where the poop winds up! He also gets a rash if it's not wiped well enough that sometimes cracks and bleeds and so it needs to be done thoroughly. I didn't know they wouldn't offer assistance at school and now my son has to learn fast how to do it on his own without me to help him!
2) I don't force affection. If my son's grandparents or anyone else asks for a hug or kiss goodbye and he won't do it, I never force him to. I think a child's affection should be a natural thing and I can't be the person who stands there sternly and forces a kid to hug or kiss someone he just doesn't want to.
And the #1 reason I am a crappy Mom is...
1) I still have a monitor in his room. He's 4 and I still have a baby monitor in his room. He sleeps on the top floor of a 3 story house and I like to be able to hear him if he needs me. I have a monitor I carry around with me after he's gone to bed. I haven't stopped because A) I'm neurotic and B) he's never felt the need to leave his bed at night so I've never been woken up by a small child starring at me and Mommy and Daddy have never had our playtime interrupted.
The truth of the matter is that I know I am not actually a crappy mom, but I know there are things I do as a mom that a lot of other people would not agree with. There are a lot more things I do that are not on that list that people don't agree with like the fact that I coddle him. I don't like to see him cry and more times than not, I hug him and talk to him about what he's upset about. I spoil him too. He's not surrounded by family and friends because we live so far from them and he has no siblings, so I over compensate and he wants for nothing. I tell him I love him a million times a day, give 100s of hugs and kisses and always apologise if I've upset him or hurt his feelings (just because I'm his mother doesn't mean his feelings don't matter). I'm the best mom I can be. My son is loved and well taken care of. Nobody is perfect and I'm far from it, but I have a great kid who is sweet, kind, well behaved and happy. Every time I think I may not being doing a good job at parenting, he lets me know in some small way that I am.
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