Pond Hopper

The other day, I had someone say to me - 'What's with your blog? - It's weak.'  I know it's weak.  I know I avoid it like the plague and never actually sit down to do anything about it.  There are probably a few reasons for this... A little over a month ago, I found out that two of my exes read this blog that I didn't know knew about it.  Knowing one of them in particular reads, makes it even harder to sit down and write about things that are going on in my life.  I run my own business from home so I don't have a lot of outside influences to inspire what I write about. In turn, this blog has always been very personal.  It's not like I can write about the little things like what happened on my way to work today or a conversation I have with a co-worker.  There is no office and there are no co-workers.  My life pretty much consists of Wayne, me, myself & I (not to mention the little guy I'm sharing my body with at the moment).  I'm not comp...

I don't blog nearly enough.  It's strange really because I'm the type that has always kept a journal or diary of some sort.  I need to write out what's on my mind to get it out and feel better for addressing it.  Since I've been pregnant, I can't seem to bring myself to do that and I'm really not sure why.  I have a pregnancy journal as well (actually, I have 2), but I have yet to really write anything in them.  Again, I'm not sure why.  I have so much on my mind and I'm feeling so much with this baby coming (as well as a few other things I've had on my mind as well), but I still can't bring myself to write it out... I've kept to myself a lot since we got back from the states.  I don't make many calls and I spend my days alone quietly keeping busy.  I've had other expats email me to make contact with other expats living here - I want to respond to them - I keep meaning to and yet I don't any more than I blog when I know I shou...

How many times have we said to ourselves - If I knew then what I know now... I've thinking that a lot lately. The thing is that I've recently found out an ugly truth about my past that's been hard to come to terms with. It turns out that someone that meant a great deal to me was someone I don't know if I really knew. They kept something from me and in all these years, never told me the truth. If I had known then what I know now, a great deal of my life would have been very different - unbelievably different. So now I know this truth and on one hand, I'm brokenhearted and feel so hurt (even after all these years). Maybe it's partly because they had no apology. They truly felt that because it happened so long ago, it required no explanation and actually treated me very badly when they realized how upset I was. On the other hand, I can't help but wonder if it's not knowing of that betrayal that's let me to where I am where I am now. If I had kno...

Tomorrow is my birthday.  I'm turning 36.  It feels uneventful this year - like I could almost forget if I wasn't near a calender.  Maybe it's because this year things are more like they should be and turning another year older just isn't p phasing me all that much.  I know last year turning 35  really bothered me, but I was turning 35 and still had no children - maybe I felt time was running out and it scared me.  This year I'll be having a baby and I have a wonderful husband & marriage.  This year it hardly even bothers me that I'll be spending most of the day by myself before Wayne gets home from work (I guess we'll have to see how I feel tomorrow).  Maybe birthdays don't phase you as much when you have almost everything you want.  A few friends in the same country would be nice, but I can't really complain can I? The baby furniture  came for the nursery today.  I'm really excited to see it and hoping Wayne will be just as ke...

I haven't written in a week or so.  I've had a lot going on - some rather emotional stuff that's had me distracted and I've been keeping to myself.  To add to what was already on my mind, I got a call this morning from my mother letting me know that my step-Dad's brother past away last night.  My step-dad is a parent to me in every sense of the word and it is difficult being so far away while he is in so much pain.  He broke down on the phone with me as soon as he heard my voice.  In my life, I've only heard him cry once or twice before and it was terrible.  His brother was young - only in his late 40s or early 50s.  He was sick for a long time with leukaemia, but after a bone marrow transplant he was doing well and we thought he'd pull through.  He took a turn for the worst in the last week and died last night.  I was really shocked to hear it.  I guess I don't like to think the worst and just thought he'd be okay.  It's hard not b...

We got back on Friday afternoon.  Saturday, I slept until 2pm.  I don't think I thought through how pregnancy and arthritis was going to factor in to such a long trip.  We were on the go for almost 3 1/2 weeks straight.  There wasn't a lot of time for rest and I'm still paying for it now with a good deal of pain and little or no energy for most of the day.  It was good to go back and see everyone, but to be honest by New Years Day, I was ready to come back.  Things happened with family that I won't go into that put a bit of a damper on my time, but I think maybe it's better that way - there are a lot less tears when you leave feeling a bit fed up. I'm nearly 6 months pregnant now.  It's going so fast now that the 2nd trimester started.  The first trimester was the longest 3 months of my life, but now it's flying by.  The baby is active every day and I can't say enough about how amazing it is to feel this little life inside me every day. ...

We arrived in the US on the 17th and since then, we haven't stopped at all.  We have been running from visit to visit and christmas shopping in between.  We've both been suffering with really bad colds for days now and I'm letting Wayne sleep in today.  Our trips back are always busy and we often return home feeling like we need a vacation to recover from our vacation.  That being said - It's been wonderul to see everyone and I'm so happy to be home.  I think we're half-way through our trip now and I'm already sad just thinking about going back. It's been quite a ride so far - My first day here, we went to the OB/GYN to get a check up.  In the UK while pregnant, there seems to be almost no care until you get to your third trimester.  The schedule is as follows: 6-8 weeks - first midwife appointment (no exam just a meeting for medical history and a few basic blood tests). Week 12 - ultrasound & 1 screening test for downs syndrome (but no midwife app...