Been qiuet - I know...

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

I know I've been really quiet since the 'American Special' aired. I guess it got me down and I've been withdrawn. I just can't help but take it personally. I think I've seen it as another rejection by this country. I know it would be so much different if I had a circle of friends here that have made me feel welcome and accepted, but I've been here 2 and a half years now and it never happened. What's really sad is that the only friend I do have here is someone I had to pay to get to know me. What I mean is that my personal trainer and I have become more friends than anything else (I stopped paying him 5 months ago). He's a big support in trying to stay healthy and strong with my medical condition. The days we meet at the gym, he's also my pseudo girlfriend and we talk about all the things I wish I could talk to my girlfriends about on a regular basis. 3 days a week for a couple of hours, I get to feel normal until Wayne gets home from work. The rest of the time, I honestly feel really lonely.
It's not as if I haven't had opportunity to meet people. With my business I have met so many women. At the end of an event, I usually find myself surrounded by them laughing and enjoying the time with me. I do great with sales and I've been welcomed into their homes, but it stops there. I have never had even one of them offer a hand in friendship (besides the group of 19 year-olds I last did an event for. They wanted to hang out with me and take me clubbing, but I can't start hanging out with teenagers). I guess at this age and time in life, a lot of people aren't looking to expand their well established circle of friends. There have been days that I left the gym locker room hiding tears after watching the groups of friends interacting and planning lunch after a workout together.
So, I've become withdrawn and have thrown myself into work and my web design training which I've really neglected since my business got busy in November. The footbridge to the marina is closed for repairs this week, so I haven't been to the gym since last Wednesday and I'm feeling a bit stir-crazy and isolated. I can't even take solace in the fact that we have plans to move back because in order to make the move, we're going to have to save about 30k. I fear that summertime as our target may be a bit too optimistic and we'll have to put it off until next spring (we need to make the move in the warmer months so that Wayne will have a full season to establish work on construction sites). This will mean another year here and possibly a pregnancy without my friends and family - Not exactly ideal.
I fear this entry has become too much of a woe is me type entry so, I'm going to stop here. I guess I just wanted to explain my absence...



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4 comments:

  1. Two Crabs said...:

    Next time you're in London, call us and we'll do drinks!

  1. Scarlet said...:

    That would definitely be tough! It's hard to make friends when not in school, I think.

  1. Aniela said...:

    Hey chick, Am sorry to hear that you have been down this week - if you want to talk I am around... have had a rough week myself - my physio isn't really working on my knee and today I found out I need a root canal - ouch, and I can't stand going to dentists - my foot was shaking the whole time I was having my teeth looked at!!! Speak soon and take care, luv, Aniela xx

  1. Laurie said...:

    Hi Erren! I just recently came across your blog. I totally understand where you're coming from regarding your post today. I'm from near Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and married a Brit this past June. I've found it easy at times to be living in London and hard most of the time. (I've been here one and half years.) I also miss my family and friends and well, making friends here isn't the easiest. I'm also working so that helps fill in the gaps, but I've been feeling lonely quiet a bit lately. If you want to, you can drop me an email anytime. :-)