Tuesday, July 10, 2007

I'm so f@cken bored.  What I wouldn't do for just one social contact in this country.  I spend 90% of my time by myself and to be quite honest - I'm sick of me.  I'm bored with me and I'm bored with trying desperately each day to find a way to just pass the time.  I hate to sound so 'woe is me' because I'm really not sitting around feeling sorry for myself, but I am sitting around feeling restless, alone and really stir crazy.
My business is small and these days it only takes me a couple of hours to do what needs to be done for the day.  I place my orders, touch base with customers who need me, send a few emails and in just a couple of hours - I'm done for the day and searching for things to do.  Wayne just let me know he won't be home until 8:00 tonight.  That's over 8 more hours I have to kill before then.
I think I say more to my cats each day than I do to actual humans - if they start talking back - I'll be really worried about my mental health!  I should go to the gym, but to be quite honest - since the miscarriage, I haven't been feeling much like going (I'm down to 3 days a week and some days feel like I can actually feel myself getting fatter).  Sometimes being out amongst people just makes me feel more alone.  It's not like anyone really talks to me and if they do, it's so superficial it feels not worth bothering.  I hate small talk.  I can have small talk with the cat at home and get just as much out of it as I can with some random gym employee who's job it is to act interested.  God, I'm cynical.
I was thinking of not publishing this post because who wants to read my complaints, but it's honest and I think a blog should be honest.  Plus, it might shed some light on why I don't blog more often - my life is so mundane that sometimes, there's just nothing to say.

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  1. Sue said...:

    Is there anything you could volunteer for? Always a good way to meet people. Join a class or exercise club and start talking first. I'm a Brit and as friendly as they come, but don't always feel right about initiating conversation...inbred privacymeter I suppose! Good luck anyway!

  1. Chantal said...:

    Anyone can carry his burden, however hard, until nightfall. Anyone can do his work, however hard, for one day. Anyone can live sweetly, patiently, lovingly, purely, till the sun goes down. And this is all life really means. ~Robert Louis Stevenson

  1. Ashley Williams said...:

    I know how you feel. I moved here three years ago from Vermont with my then British boyfriend, now husband, and it has been really hard to make friends. The only friends I have made have been through work, so working at home must be really hard for you! There's only so many times you can answer the question of 'where are you from?' 'what differences are there?'!!! It gets better though, I promise!

  1. TwoCrabs said...:

    Come take a daytrip to London and my wife and I will take you out for a pint or two (or three)!

  1. Jacki said...:

    I know exactly how you feel. I'm also a Jersey girl (now living in the UK), but, previously, I lived in Bosnia with my husband, where I was home alone, unemployed, and no hope for employment. Volunteering and taking a pilates class really saved me from utter depression. Really. It got me out of the house and socializing with others. Also, you can work in the UK. Maybe a part-time job? Good luck.